Unleash The Masterpiece

  • Home
  • Spiritual
  • Grown-up ABC Book
  • Social Enterprise
  • Movie
  • Book/Speaker/Conference
  • Character

A Legacy of Struggle

March 10, 2017 by Bob Clinkert Leave a Comment

I remember watching the TV sitcom Alice in the mid 70s when I was growing up. I watched it a few times a week for many years. An actor named Vic Tayback played Mel Sharpels, the owner of a greasy spoon diner in Phoenix. One of the episodes I can still remember is when Mel turned 50 years old and they had a surprise roast party for him. A roast, if you don’t know, is where they mock you, but it is because they all know you so well and love you so much.

During the roast, Mel looks like he is sad, and then, when everyone is done roasting him, and it’s his turn to speak, he is very upset with all of them for being so disrespectful to him, and he leaves the room. Everyone in the room is floored when he does this. They look around at each other, horrified that something they intended to express love was taken the wrong way. A few moments later, Mel bursts back into the room saying, I was only kidding! This is the best party I have ever had! You guys are the best friends ever!

When I watched this episode as like a 9 or 10 year old boy, I remember thinking how old 50 sounded. My parents were still in their mid-thirties at that time. I tried to imagine what my life would be like when I turn 50. Would I look old like Mel did? Would I be working at a dead-end job? Would I have good friends who would want to throw me a roast birthday party? What idiosyncrasies might they roast me about?

I will be turning 50 in a couple months. It’s a marker event for me and I take marker events to heart. I have cried at every kindergarten drop off, 5th grade moving on, jr high graduation, high school graduation, college graduation, kids marriage and grand baby (Only one of those so far 🙂 ).

I ran and hid in the Philippines so no one would throw me a surprise 40th party, and I have asked everyone to promise not so throw me a surprise 50th. To me it seems like a popularity contest. An event to only remind me of my limited circle of good friends. I hope to spend it with my immediate family, but I don’t have much interest in anything beyond that.

I grew up in a house without a loving marriage, with two pretty dysfunctional extended families on either side. There was a lot of love, but people had to express it through some pretty broken lives. As a result, often times, it didn’t come out right, and the brokenness of their lives got the better of them. I remember as young as 7 years old thinking to myself, that when I grow up, I am going to really love my wife, and give that to my kids as a gift. I knew first hand how bad it hurts when your parents don’t love each other. I was determined to never abuse substances, and never allow relationships to deteriorate to the point of no return.

My childhood really shaped me and set the course for my future – good and bad. I was mostly able to leverage the bad as a foundation for moving forward, although some of the bad is embedded deep inside of me. As a young kid, I was always curious as to what kind of legacy I would leave. I dreamed of being wealthy, successful, not having to worry about money, not have relational strain, not having any difficult situations – just laughing and enjoying the good life with my friends and my large, happy family.

As I honestly assess where I am now, I can say I have experienced a depth of intimacy and love in my marriage, that totally exceeded my already high expectations. Same with my children, adopted children, grand child, etc. The upside has been way better than I could have imagined back then when I was a little boy contemplating my future.

On the flip-side, I had no idea how difficult the downsides would be. I had no idea that, the more I worked to eliminate struggle from my life, and the lives of those I love, the more struggle would work it’s way deep into my life and their lives. I just assumed, back then, that struggle was a result of bad actions, so if you eliminated the bad actions, you would eliminate struggle.

I have found the exact opposite to be true. The more I love, the deeper my faith becomes, the more wisdom I possess, the more I try to make a difference – the more struggle comes into my life. I have profound struggles, minor struggles, and everything in between, with new ones and changing ones all the time. My family and close friends experience the same.

It’s a weird mix. The song that goes, Morning by morning new mercies I see which comes from Lamentations 3:22-23, The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.

I feel like that truth is counterbalanced with Morning my morning new struggles find me, that would be based on Jesus’ words in John 16:33, Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.

At 50, I still struggle financially, relationally, professionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. It’s a struggle to choose joy every morning, my faith is a struggle, love is a struggle, keeping a positive attitude is a struggle. It’s all a struggle. My kids have similar struggles, My adopted kids. My good friends. I have done a poor job of eliminating struggle from my life and the lives of those I love.

In fact, part of the positive ways that I have invested in my family and friends invites and creates struggle. Lack of struggle was part of the goal, part of the vision I had for my family and friends, part of the legacy I wanted to leave – and I have failed at that – in fact, the struggles seem to be picking up steam with no end in sight.

I hoped I would have more prosperity, position and power and that I could pass on as a legacy to the family I friends I love so much. In some ways, I am profoundly disappointed that my vision of myself at 50 in terms of prosperity, position and power is so far from what I hoped it would be. I am pretty much an obscure person, with a very limited influence. My life is full of struggles. My legacy – in reality – is really struggle.

Jesus goes on to say in John 16:33, Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. As I grow older and adjust my life mission and rethink my legacy, maybe that’s the best I can do. Leave a legacy of someone who overcomes struggle.

But the truth is, really overcoming struggle is a huge struggle in itself. I suspect only God can truly overcome struggle. While God is in me for sure, I am not God, and I don’t believe I can fully reach a point where I can say that I have completely overcome my struggles. New ones are coming in too fast, and old ones can evolve like an antibiotic-resistant bacteria.

Maybe my real legacy is struggling to overcome the struggles. I have struggled mightily, and still do. The people who know most of my story know the depth, height and width of my struggles and they are somewhat inspired by my ability to carry on with a mostly positive outlook. I have my bad days, and I have my doubts, I have some days where I want to quit, and I sometimes even express that out loud.

Most of the time though, I am ready and willing to fight back against the struggle. I am ready to hold my ground, and try to gain new ground against my struggles. Most days, I can feel the power to redeem negative experiences – to see all things working together for good. Most days I am filled with hope, joy and love.

I guess that is what I really want my legacy to be – someone who struggled against the struggles of life – and won – not by eliminating struggles, or completely overcoming them, but by not allowing the struggles of life to overcome me. Not allowing the struggles of life to steal my faith, my joy, my love, or my hope, in the big, overall picture.

I have failed to leave the legacy I dreamed of leaving when I was a little boy watching Alice on TV. But I am not that little boy anymore. The 50 year old me leaves a legacy of struggle. A legacy of struggle AGAINST the inevitable struggles of life.

Struggling well doesn’t mean that you will never lose it, never feel overwhelmed, never feel disappointed in yourself, and you never blow it. It means that your life is not defined by your struggles. When your life is judged at the end, the struggles didn’t get the better of you. You fought them hard, you found them long. You were tenacious in struggling against your struggles.

Yeah. That’s it. TENACITY in the struggle against struggle. That’s the legacy I want to leave.

Thanks Mel Sharpels – Vic Tayback. Thanks for giving a little boy an opportunity to contemplate the bigger picture of life through a silly sitcom.

Filed Under: Character, Full Article, Main

Direction/Guidance <--> Courage/Discipline

September 26, 2016 by Bob Clinkert Leave a Comment

Direction/Guidance <–> Courage/Discipline

We all are faced with decisions every day – some of them minor, some profoundly major.
I have been immersed in the high school, college, young adult scene for a while now, and that age range has a variety of relatively serious decisions to be made. Who to date, where to go to college, what major to study in college, what job to take, who to marry, when to have kids, etc.
navigate-life-small
I have seen so many followers of Jesus agonize of “finding God’s will” for their lives – painstakingly seeking direction and guidance from God – looking for signs, feelings of inner-peace, closed and open doors, etc.
Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that there is validity in seeking direction and guidance from God on important decisions. However, what is typically lacking from most followers decision making process is the other end of the tension – courage and discipline. Asking for, and working for, the courage and the discipline to love, and to follow/obey the principles and wisdom that God has laid out for us in his word and through wise counsel.
I have done some deep research on the idea of a singular “God’s will for one’s life”. The details of that won’t really serve any purpose here. The executive summary is, much of the notion of a singular “will of God” for our lives that we risk “missing” is not supported in the Bible, but more entrenched in relatively recent tradition.
Here is a quick story to illustrate the overall issue. If there is one person for you to marry, and one person for your spouse to marry, then, if you marry the “wrong person”, not only are you and your spouses messed up for life – since you shouldn’t get divorced – but, the people you should have married are messed up for life. Of course, if the people you both should have married, themselves get married, they will be messing up not only their own lives, but the lives of the people they marry, etc. Then, each couples kids – if they choose to have them – will have parents in a marriage outside of God’s “perfect will” and as such, they will be missing out to some degree. Think about it, in the “singular will” case, one “wrong” date that leads to one “wrong” marriage, and you could literally mess up the lives of hundreds, thousands or more people. That’s a lot of pressure! Date the wrong person and the whole world can suffer!
I think about my own journey as a parent. Originally, I was way too involved in pushing my kids towards a particular career choice, towards or away from a particular dating relationship, etc. Over time, I realized, to be a really good parent, I need to trust my kids. Trust that they will attack the decisions of life with the love, wisdom, principles, values, courage and discipline my wife and I have tried to instill in them. I don’t want robots. I don’t want them to date who I would date, and become who I became. I want them to be fully unique express of the masterpiece God made them to be. That requires them to live their own lives, make their own decisions. Of course they can come to me for counsel, but, they need to choose their own path.
God is a “good, good Father.” God is a better “parent” than we can ever be. God trains us up to make our own decisions. He expects us to operate within the principles and values he has “taught us” and instilled in us. He also expects us to be driven by sacrificial love for him, and for everyone in our lives. Living by principles, values and love does not require a crystal ball, or a horoscope. It requires, courage, discipline and study. It requires faith.
I have slowly come to the realization that my original job as a parent is pretty much done once my kids leave the house for college. For better or worse, my wife and I have modeled principles, values and love for our children. We hope they not only follow them, but follow them better than we ever did. We hope they learn from our what we have done well as well as from our mistakes. We could never plot the course of their lives for them – but we can prepare them with love and wisdom.
I hope my wife and I can be there for our kids, grandkids, and even great-grandkids for years to come. Wise counsel is a gift to give, and a gift to receive. But I am very content to watch my kids live, make their own choices, and flourish as the masterpiece God made them to be. That masterpiece is already inside of them. No one but them can fully unleash it. Not even God is willing to force it in them.
In the past, my advice was very one-sided – seek Gods direction, guidance and will. Look for “signs”, inner-peace, closed/open doors, fleeces, etc. I am sure those things have some value and some reality. But, I have become more focused on balancing out that side of the tension  with prayer for courage and discipline to love the way we have been taught to love. To be guided by our principles and values we know to be true and right.
That takes so much more courage and discipline than it does clairvoyance, crystal balls and visions. It’s difficult to love the people in your life sacrificially. It’s difficult to do the right thing when there is little perceived reward. I need discipline and courage to follow the example that Jesus has set for me in my life – moment to movement and decade to decade. My kids, and the young adults like them need courage and discipline as well.

Filed Under: Character, Main, Spiritual, Story

2016 Global Leadership Summit – My Summary

August 19, 2016 by Bob Clinkert Leave a Comment

This is my personal summary of the 2016 Global Leadership Summit in Chicago. A dozen business and outreach leaders spoke on the topic of Leadership.

I have organized my summary into three sections: Top Three Quotes from each speaker, One Minute Summary of each speaker, and a Three Minute Summary of each speaker. Enjoy!

GLS-SMALL

Click here to download this summary as a PDF doc

Click here to download this summary as a Word Doc

TOP THREE QUOTES

  • Bill Hybels – Four Lenses of Leadership
    • You need to fill your own passion bucket so you can fill tthe passion buckets of people you influence
    • Maximizing performance requires constantly readjusting to stay in dynamic balance – not over adjusting or under adjusting
    • Legacies can and do change in an instant – in a good way or a bad. Eg: the thief on the cross. His legacy is getting his last decision right.
  • Alan Mulally – CEO Ford, Boeing
    • EVERYONE included – employees, suppliers, bankers, etc
    • EVERYONE knows the ONE plan, the status and areas that need special attention
    • Trust the process – Keep emotional resilience
  • Jossy Chacko – Empart USA
    • Faithfulness is not about maintaining what you have, it’s about multiplying what you have been given
    • Focus on Building the Character BEFORE your empower.
    • See risk as your friend to love, not your enemy to be feared – See Comfort and Safety as your Enemies
  • Dr. Travis Bradberry – Emotional Intelligence 2.0
    • Personality traits are fixed by age 15-20 but EQ can be developed your entire life
    • Self Awareness of your tendencies and being prepared to deal with them – lean into the discomfort and learn what you can improve
    • You have to focus more on the other person than yourself – You have to look at what the world looks like from the other person’s perspective and find common ground.

 

  • Patrick Lencioni – The Ideal Teammate
    • People who are hungry and smart but not humble are the most dangerous, hardest to spot and most devious because they can hide the fact that they only care about themselves.
    • It’s much better to allow people to self-assess than to tell them what’s wrong
    • Have the Courage to Constantly and Consistency to remind people of where they need to improve
  • Chris McChesney – Four discipline of execution
    • Execution does NOT LIKE complexity – the two best friends of execution are simplicity and transparency
    • The number one driver of morale and engagement is when you think you are winning
    • Do your people feel like they are playing a high stakes winnable game??
  • Erin Meyer – The Cultural Map
    • www.ErinMeyer.com talks about Cultural map Dimensions
    • High context – it’s not what I said, it’s what i meant when i said it – the subtle messages between the lines – “Reading the air/atmosphere” “listening with all of my senses”
    • How do we receive critical feedback? Direct negative feedback versus indirect negative feedback
  • John Maxwell – Intentional Living
    • Intentionally, every day, add value to people – this is the CORE of leadership – Do you exist to add value to people or to have people add value to you?
    • Everything worthwhile in life is uphill all the way. People have UPHILL HOPES and DOWNHILL HABITS – The only way you can change downhill habits is to be intentional. You have to turn on the switch of “intentional”
    • Significance is uphill and it’s not about us it’s about others – selfishness and significance are INCOMPATIBLE
  • T.D. Jakes – Second Wind
    • We think tribally instead of globally
    • You are going to miss something every day. Just try not to miss something in the same area multiple times in a row
    • We are so good at seeing what other people’s gifts are but we are not that good at acknowledging what God has given us – how he has gifted us.

 

  • Bill Hybels, Shauna Niequist, Henry Cloud – Blindspots for Leaders
    • Speed – Bill Hybels – We need self-reflection. We need to push the time-out button – stop the activity, sit before God, get a journal out and lower the RPMs
    • Connection – Henry cloud – Relationships operate according to a formula: I need to make my needs known, and find someone who can help me with those needs
    • Myth of Achievement – Shauna Niequist – Being FULLY PRESENT with everyone God has placed in your life, every moment of every day
  • Danielle Strickland – Leader Interrupted
    • True peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of justice.
    • The world is crying out for all of the wrong things to be made right.
    • We need to create spaces in our lives where only God can show up.
  • Horst Schulze – Creating an Organization of Excellence and Efficiency
    • Any/All Customers Want: Perfect product – NO defects, You serve them timely, You care (this is the most important)
    • Process and Products are MANAGED – People need LEADERSHIP – Hiring people to perform a FUNCTION is NOT moral – You hire people to be part of a purpose, part of a dream
    • Is our dream/vision GOOD for all concerned: employees, customers, shareholders and society as a whole – measured by the VALUES that God gives us?

ONE MINUTE SUMMARIES

  • Bill Hybels – Four Lenses of Leadership
    • Passionate Lens
      • Passion comes from the top of the mountain (beautiful dream) or the bottom of the valley in the desert (outrage, holy discontent).
      • You need to fill your own passion bucket so you can fill the passion buckets of people you influence
    • Shattered Lens
      • Organizational health trumps everything. It takes hard work and effort and must be driven by a healthy leader at the very top
      • Transactional Noise (water-cooler talk that is negative) takes a toll on everyone. You need to observe and confront it head-on
    • Performance Lens
      • Maximizing performance requires constantly readjusting to stay in dynamic balance – not over adjusting or under adjusting
      • Willow assesses each department every six months thriving (gaining ground), healthy (maintaining ground), and under-performing (losing ground)
    • Legacy Lens
      • “I would give anything for a do-over” – There aren’t do-overs just make-overs.
      • Legacies can and do change in an instant – in a good way or a bad. Eg: the thief on the cross. His legacy is getting his last decision right.
  • Alan Mulally – CEO Ford, Boeing
    • Working Together Principles and Practices
      • People first
      • EVERYONE included – employees, suppliers, bankers, etc
      • Compelling vision
      • Comprehensive Strategy and Relentless Implementation
      • Weekly core team meeting with EVERYONE
      • Simple – Green, Yellow, Red dashboard
      • Clear performance goals
      • One plan
      • Facts and Data
      • EVERYONE knows the plan, the status and areas that need special attention
        • Everyone is expected to help out with the Red and Yellow statuses
      • Positive “find-a -way” attitude
      • Respect , listen, help and appreciate
      • Trust the process – Keep emotional resilience
      • Have fun – enjoy the journey and each other
  • Jossy Chacko – Empart USA
    • Faithfulness is not about maintaining what you have, it’s about multiplying what you have been given – The Three E’s
    • Enlarge your Vision – You need to enlarge that vision for multiplication
    • Empower your People –  Create opportunities despite your past bad experiences.
      • Leaders are like scaffolds to raise up leaders and empower them.
      • Character
        • Focus on Building the Character BEFORE your empower.
      • Relationship
        • You have to be in close proximity to know someone’s character. It’s about leading from alongside – rather than from the front
        • All future Empart leaders have to live with a small group and a leader for 12 months before leaving
      • Right Controls and Measurement – Right Outcomes
        • Control the outcomes not the people
    • Embrace Risk
      • Our Western society is all about eliminating risk – which is good generally speaking but in leadership it moves us from pioneering to preserving. From multiplying to maintaining
      • See risk as your friend to love, not your enemy to be feared.
      • See Comfort and Safety as your Enemies
      • You can’t have everything figured out before you get started.
    • Increase your Pain Threshold
      • Your leadership capacity is directly proportional to your pain threshold.
  • Dr. Travis Bradberry – Emotional Intelligence 2.0
    1. Personality traits are fixed by age 15-20 but EQ can be developed your entire life
    2. Four EQ Skills
        1. Self Awareness
          • Awareness of your tendencies and being prepared to deal with them – lean into the discomfort and learn what you can improve
        2. Self-management
          • It’s not about stuffing your feelings – both positive and negative emotions need to be managed.
        3. Social Awareness
          • You have to focus more on the other person than yourself.
        4. Relationship Management
          • You have to look at what the world looks like from the other person’s perspective if you’re to find common ground.
          • Don’t win the battle to prove you are right to lose the war which is the overall quality of the relationship.
    3. Increasing Your EQ
        1. Get your Stress Under Control
          • Low stress and high stress are unhealthy – “Optimal Stress” is necessary for good health.
          • The little things matter most when it comes to stress reduction
        2. Clean-up your sleep hygiene
          • Getting 7-9 hours helps, but high quality sleep is even more important.
          • Toxic proteins are a natural byproduct of normal brain activity that can only be cleaned up during sleep.
        3. Get your caffeine intake under control (BOO!)
          • Makes you less emotionally intelligent in the moment and affects your sleep long-term.
          • If you have to drink caffeine, don’t do it after 12 noon.
  • Patrick Lencioni – The Ideal Teammate
    • The Three Virtues
      1. Humility
        • True humility is just the recognition of what is true
        • Humility is not thinking less of  yourself, but thinking of yourself less
      2. Hungry
        • Passionate and tenacious in getting something down
      3. Smart
        • Common sense around people – people good at practicing the four behaviors of emotional intelligence.
    • When two virtues are lacking
      • The PAWN
        • People who lack hunger and smart. They are just humble
      • The BULLDOZER
        • People who lack humble and smart. They are just hungry
        • Leave a trail of dead bodies behind.
      • The CHARMER
        • People lack hunger and humble. They are just smart
    • When only one virtue is lacking
      • The ACCIDENTAL-MESS-MAKER
        • People who are humble and hungry but are not smart.
        • These are the people you are always making excuses for.
      • The LOVABLE-SLACKER
        • The people who are humble and smart but not hungry
        • They never go above and beyond. They are very frustrating.
      • The SKILLFUL-POLITICIAN
        • People who are hungry and smart but not humble
        • The most dangerous and the hardest to spot:.
        • They are devious because they can hide the fact that they only care about themselves.
    • Use the Three Virtues to develop yourself and your people
      1. Identify the areas that need improvement
        • You need to be vulnerable enough to identify the areas you need to improve in.
        • The leader has to go first and make it safe.
        • It’s much better to allow people to self-assess than to tell them what’s wrong
      2. Have the Courage to Constantly and Consistency to remind people of where they need to improve
        • People are most likely either going to improve or opt-out on their own – but occasionally you will need to terminate them
      3. Hiring people
        • Generally we over-emphasize technical skills
        • We don’t get people out of the interview room.
          • Ask them the same questions more than once
          • Stop doing SILO interviews. Do TEAM interviews.
        • Scare people with sincerity
          • Example: “We are fanatical about humble, hungry and smart. You will hate it here if that’s not you and we will hate you.”
  • Chris McChesney – Four discipline of execution
    • Execution is a game of changing human behavior.
      1. Focus
        • There will always be more good ideas than there is capacity to execute
        • Focus on the Wildly Important Goal (WIG)
          • One WIG per team at the same time.
          • Everything else you need to sustain STILL GOES ON
        • Move goal from X to Y by WHEN
        • When accountability increases, morale and engagement increases because it throws the “game on switch”
        • Execution does NOT LIKE complexity
        • The two best friends of execution are simplicity and transparency
      2. Act on LEAD Measures
        • Example: losing weight is the lag, diet and exercise are the lead measures
          • Everyone knows diet and exercise conceptualize, no one knows how many calories they eat and how many they burned
          • It’s easy to know the concept but not the data behind the concept
      3. Keep a Compelling Scorecard
        • People play differently when THEY are keeping score
        • We need a players scoreboard not s coach’s scoreboard
        • The number one driver of morale and engagement is when you think you are winning
      4. Create a Cadence of Accountability
        • Twenty minute meeting weekly where you make one or two commitments
        • Did I do what I was supposed to do
        • Review and update scoreboard
        • Make commitments for next week
        • As a leader, do not specify the commitments, let the staff make their own commitments
        • It’s a PULL strategy
    • Do your people feel like they are playing a high stakes winnable game??
  • Erin Meyer – The Cultural Map
    • ErinMeyer.com talks about every dimensions
    • Three Dimensions Relative to Communication
      1. Low versus high context
        • Identifying the subtle messages between the lines.
        • “Reading the air/atmosphere” “listening with all of my senses”
      2. How do we receive critical feedback
        • Direct negative feedback versus indirect negative feedback
        • “Upgrader” words versus “Downgrader” words
      3. What silence means
        • High comfort with silence versus low comfort with silence
  • John Maxwell – Intentional Living
    • Intentionally, every day, add value to people – This is the CORE of leadership
    • Do you exist to add value to people or to have people add value to you?
      • There is a fine line better motivation and manipulation?
    • Three questions followers ask leaders:
      1. Do you like me? Compassion
      2. Can you help me? Competence
      3. Can I trust you? Character
      • In other words: Will you intentionally add value to my life?
    • EVERYTHING WORTHWHILE IS UPHILL – UPHILL ALL THE WAY
      • Good marriage, physical health, good business, etc.
    • People have UPHILL HOPES and DOWNHILL HABITS
    • The only way you can change downhill habits is to be intentional. You have to turn on the switch of “intentional”
      • Intentional living is deliberate, consistent and willful.
    • Significance is uphill and it’s not about us it’s about others
      • Selfishness and significance are INCOMPATIBLE
    • Significance is uphill and it’s not about us it’s about others
    • Most people don’t lead their lives, they accept their lives…which is not intentional
    • Five things I (John Maxwell) do every day to add value to people
      1. Value People
        • God values me and he values you, he values people I don’t know and people I don’t like
        • Are we going to spend our lives connecting with people or correcting people?
      2. Everyday think of new ways to add value to people
        • You need to think ahead to be intentional – Thinking ahead is preparing, reacting is repairing
      3. I look for ways to value people
        • I prepare in advance, then when I am with them, i look for new opportunities
      4. I actually do things to value people
        • You need to do it and measure it, not just talk about it
      5. I encourage others to add value to people
    • John’s one word for people is TRANSFORM
  • T.D. Jakes – Second Wind
    • We think tribally instead of globally
    • If we want to be salt and light, we need to GO more often than we ask people to come to church
    • How do you juggle multiple responsibilities?
      • You are going to miss something every day. Just try not to miss something in the same area multiple times in a row
    • Why start a Daily TV Show?
      • There are a lot of people who don’t go to church who are starving for what we have in abundance all the time – opportunity to help people with life skills
    • What about Racial Reconciliation?
      • The operative question is: Have you included people in the overall strategies of success?
      • “Tough on crime” was really tough on people who couldn’t afford a rich lawyer
        • Blacks are seven time more likely to be incarcerated for the same crime
      • We have left people behind who are no longer willing to be ignored.
      • We have not created a system that allows the under-privileged to be served.
    • Is the worldwide problem fixable without faith?
      • You need to be intentional about tearing down the natural propensity in all humans to remain comfortable.
    • On your book “Second Wind”
      • Re-imagining yourself – owning your own future – not waiting on anyone
      • What made America great? Being creative and not just consuming
        • God is entrepreneurial – We are more like God when we were creative.
      • We are so good at seeing what other people’s gifts are but we are not that good at acknowledging what God has given us – how he has gifted us.
  • Bill Hybels, Shauna Niequist, Henry Cloud – Blindspots for Leaders
    1. Speed – Bill Hybels
      • We ask God to keep up with us. To bless our speed and give us more speed. We go too fast for the people in our lives
      • We need self-reflection. We need to push the time-out button – stop the activity, sit before God, get a journal out and lower the RPMs.
    2. Connection – Henry cloud – Book: The Power of the Other
      • Part of what it takes to keep your head on straight is the power of the other.
        • Avoid NO CONNECTION, BAD CONNECTION and UNHEALTHY CONNECTION
        • Strive for REAL CONNECTION
          • Relationships operate according to a formula: I need to make my needs known, and find someone who can help me with those needs
    3. Myth of Achievement – Shauna Niequist – Book: Present Over Perfect
      • The Lies of Perfect
        • You are word you do. You are what you build. You are what other people think of you.
        • Everything becomes an opportunity to succeed or fail – Leads to exhaustion and isolation. Love is not found in the “hustle”
        • What are you sacrificing on the altar of achievement?
      • Love is found in exactly who you are – right now
        • Being FULLY PRESENT with everyone God has placed in your life, every moment of every day
  • Danielle Strickland – Leader Interrupted
    • True peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of justice.
    • Shalom is about everything wrong being made right.
      • The fullness of how things were designed to be.
      • The world is crying out for all of the wrong things to be made right.
    • True Humility – First posture shift.
      • True humility is agreeing with God about who you are.
      • It is a dynamic tension between insecurity <——-> arrogance.
      • God wants you to stop “playing the tape” in your head
      • We need to come into agreement with God about who we are
    • True Dependency – Second Posture Shift
      • Agreeing with God about who he is – vertical dependency
      • You are NOT God.
      • Dynamic tension between self-sufficiency and codependency
      • We need to create spaces in our lives where only God can show up.
    • Take the Shalom into the world – Third Posture Shift
      1. God wants us to bring that Shalom – that wholeness of justice and rightness – true Peace – to the world around us
  • Horst Schulze – Creating an Organization of Excellence and Efficiency
    • What you need to do to be successful in business? You need to build the MOST sufficient and MOST efficient business
    • Sufficiency means you create excellence in what the customer wants.
      • Any/All Customers Want:
        • Perfect product – NO defects
        • You serve them timely
        • You care (this is the most important)
    • Efficiency means it costs you less to produce a better product
      • Do NOT exceed the customer’s expectations – that is wasteful and inefficient
      • The greatest efficiency you can have in your business is the elimination of defects
        • 5.6% of a business transaction as an average have mistakes. That rework causes inefficiencies.
        • Elimination of defects creates huge ROI.
        • The root cause of defects is almost always five steps away.
    • Every business is in the hospitality business
    • Process and Products are MANAGED – People need LEADERSHIP
    • Hiring people to perform a FUNCTION is NOT moral
      • You hire people to be part of a purpose, part of a dream
    • Is our dream/vision GOOD for all concerned: employees, customers, shareholders and society as a whole – measured by the VALUES that God gives us?
      • Employees need to know and be reminded often of what the dream is
    • Empowering employees is simply respecting them. Loving them well.

THREE MINUTE SUMMARIES

Bill Hybels – Four Lenses of Leadership

  • Organizational Leadership is moving people from here to there.
  • You can’t stay here, we must start the journey to a preferred future
  1. Passionate Lens
    • Followers need to be energized and sustained by the passion of the leader
    • Bill researched and found difference in productivity between motivated and unmotivated worker is 40%
    • Healthy culture, compensation, etc less important than following a passionate leader
    • Passion comes from the top of the mountain (beautiful dream) or the bottom of the valley in the desert (outrage, holy discontent).
    • Whose job is it to fill their passion bucket? Yours. It’s your job to fire yourself up. How do you do it?
  2. Shattered Lens
    • High trust, high functioning, caring culture versus low…
    • Willow named top workplace in mid sized businesses in Chicago in 2015
    • An organization will only ever be as healthy as the top leader wants it to be
    • Bill’s advice, hire an off-site firm to do an organizational health assessment and fix what’s broken
    • We need more pastors of business where congregation is the staff, or community, etc
    • Transactional noise (water cooler) chatter about decisions and promotions and relationships. Takes a toll on everyone.
    • Willow now uses Lominger Card Sorting … All 67 cards have a competence. Identify the top 22 they have are good at green. Not very good at is orange, neutral uncolored are the rest
    • This Lominger card Sort Exercise causes a self awareness explosion.and then you share them so you got others awareness
    • Senior executives need to do more “talent observation” to view people’s potential outside of the c suite for coaching and identifying rising stars
  3. Performance Lens
    • Speed of the leader speed of the team
    • Setting goals and measuring progress
    • Maximizing performance requires constantly readjusting but not over adjusting or under adjusting…losing your dynamic balance
    • Willow assesses each department every six months thriving (gaining ground), healthy (maintaining ground), and underperforming (losing ground)
  4. Legacy Lens
    • What people remember of you when you are gone? What are you leaving behind?
    • “I would give anything for a do-over”
    • There aren’t do-overs just make-overs
    • Redistribute the spending of energy
    • Legacies can change in an instant – good or bad – like the thief on the cross. His legacy is getting his last decision so right…..

Alan Mulally – CEO Ford,Boeing

  • Started his career as an aeronautical engineer with Boeing with experience on every single model of Boeing
  • CEO who turned around Ford, Google board member, adviser to Obama on exports.
  • From Career at Boeing: Working Together Principles and Practices
    • People first
    • EVERYONE included – employees, suppliers, bankers, etc
    • Compelling vision
      • Comprehensive Strategy and Relentless Implementation
    • Weekly core team meeting with EVERYONE
      • Green, Yellow, Red dashboard
    • Clear performance goals
    • One plan
    • Facts and Data
    • EVERYONE knows the plan, the status and areas that need special attention
    • Positive “find-a -way” attitude
    • Respect , listen, help and appreciate
    • Keep emotional resilience – trust the process
    • Have fun – enjoy the journey and each other
  • Moves over to Ford
    • When he first came in, Ford was losing billions of dollars
    • Gets picked up in a LandRover, and none of the cars in the executive parking garage are Fords
    • Journalist asked him during initial press conference, “Is it OK that the automobile industry is complicated, in trouble and you(Alan) know nothing about it?”
      • Alan replied, “Well, I know cars are complicated with 10,000 parts, but a 777 has 4 million parts and stays in the air”
    • “Is it going to be OK for the executives at the Ford World Headquarters to be wearing sport jackets and slacks instead of suits?”
    • “Henry Ford’s initial vision in 1925 –
      • “To open the highways to all mankind – not just the wealthy”
      • Henry Ford looked forward to the opportunity to serve all mankind.
  • Alan’s first strategic decisions at Ford:
    • to get rid of all other brands but Ford and Lincoln
    • every vehicle was ongoing to be best in class
    • serve all of the markets around the world
    • aggressively restructure the business to operate profitably even though demand is way down
    • accelerate all of these new vehicles despite the economic slowdown
    • we need a loan
      • Alan gave the pitch to investment banks for money himself
      • Secured $23 billion in loans to make the above happen
    • Started to implement the initial business plan review
  • Illustration of cultural issues at Ford
    • One of the worst old culture problems
      • “never bring a problem to your manager without a solution”
    • All the charts his teams made were green, even though they were going to lose $17 billion
    • Someone had the courage to mark something red –
      • “We need to work together to turn the red to yellow to green” – Alan started clapping when someone was brave enough to present something red.
    • it still took several weeks for the rest of the executive team to have the courage to start marking things red and yellow
    • Once that happened, once everyone had the courage to deal with reality, he knew they were going to be OK.
    • Just follow the plan. Trust the process
    • He also wanted to make sure that all of the dealers felt “love”
      • Made his executive look the Ford dealerships and tell them that they loved them
      • That made everyone realize that things were going to be different.
  • The turn-around: Where things eventually went:
    • Customers rank Ford to have the best product line across all sizes
    • #1 brand in the Unites States. #1 or #2 in Europe. Fastest growing in Russia and China, etc.
    • Suppliers – #2 ranked supplier against all other automobile manufacturers
    • Over 1000% stock growth, reinstated the dividend and increased it 5 times
    • Ford has the highest large company “employee positive impression of the company. compared to the world-wide average across all companies which is 42%
    • Ford did not go bankrupt and did not require a bailout

Jossy Chacko – Empart USA

  • Empart Mission – Transform 100,000 communities by 2030
  • Early Life
    • He moved from India to Australia, pursued his dream to be successful and rich in business.
    • He married an Australian lady named Jenny
    • They went to India to visit the Taj on their honeymoon.
    • They met an 8 year old beggar boy from the slums and they invited him along on their honeymoon.
    • That encounter changed both their lives for ever
  • The parable of the talents spoke to him greatly after that experience.
  • All of us have been entrusted with something.
    • How are we proving ourselves to be trusted with more?
  • If today the master demands an account of your talents, what would your response be and would would the master say back to you?
  • Faithfulness is not about maintaining what you have, it’s about multiplying what you have been given.
  • The “Three E’s”
    1. Enlarge your Vision
      • The unfaithful servant has a vision – a vision to play it safe and maintain.
      • You need to enlarge that vision for multiplication
      • Foundational vision of Transforming Communities can be enlarged to build bigger visions that include things like bring toilets to those communities.
    2. Empower your People
      • It’s easy to lose your motivation for this when people fail you, or leave, or betray you.
      • Leadership is all about taking wise chances to create opportunities despite your past experiences.
      • He took a crazy homeless man living under a bridge as a beggar and he is leading the transformation of several communities.
      • A good test of your empowerment of your organization is to take a long vacation and see what happens.
      • Leaders are like scaffolds to raise up leaders and empower them.
        • Character
          • Focus on Building the Character before your empower. People don’t fail because of lack of information they fail because of lack of character.
        • Relationship
          • You have to be in close proximity to know someone’s character. It’s about leading from alongside – rather than from the front
          • All future Empart leaders have to live with a small group and a leader for 12 months before leaving
        • Right Controls and Measurement – Right Outcomes
          • KPIs = key performance indicators – control the outcomes not the people
    3. Embrace Risk
      • To Jossy, risk and faith is the same thing. Without taking risks (faith) it is impossible to please God.
      • Our Western society is all about eliminating risk – which is good generally speaking but in leadership it moves us from pioneering to preserving. From multiplying to maintaining
        • See risk as your friend to love, not your enemy to be feared.
          • Embrace the courageous spirit from Jesus. Fear comes from the devil. Don’t allow the fear of losing what you have keep you from what God has for you.
          • Be permanently hinged to the door of risk so that doors of opportunity open for you.
        • See Comfort and Safety as your Enemies
          • Don’t allow comfort and safety into your leadership.
          • Who is missing out because you are refusing to take the next step of faith?
          • You can’t have everything figured out before you get started.
            • If Moses had board members and advisors like we had he would still be in Egypt.
            • Don’t allow the earthly practicalities keep you from the heavenly possibilities – Eph 3:20
        • Increase your Pain Threshold
          • Your leadership capacity is directly proportional to your pain threshold
          • Today is not only a learning day, but a decision day.
          • Make a list of all of the dreams, ideas and visions God has put inside of you that you have not acted on yet.
            • Put a timeframe column next to that on when you are going to take action on each, and in a third column who is going to hold you accountable.

 

Dr. Travis Bradberry – Emotional Intelligence 2.0

  • Founder of TalentSmart
  • IQ vs EQ
    • People with high EQ make $29K more annually than those without
    • IQ explains about 20% of your success in life. EQ outperforms IQ 70% of the time
    • All senses are processed from the back of your brain to the front, and they pass through the limbic system FIRST, so you FEEL your senses before you think about them rationally.
    • Personality traits are fixed by age 15-20 but EQ can be developed your entire life
  • Four EQ Skills
  1. Self Awareness
    • Awareness of your tendencies and being prepared to deal with them.
    • Leaning into the discomfort and learning what you can improve.
    • Self-awareness can and should be developed throughout your life.
  2. Self-management
    • What do you do with the increased self-awareness?
    • It’s not about stuffing your feelings.
    • It’s about embracing your feelings and channelling them to accomplish what you want to do.
    • Both positive and negative emotions need to be managed.
  3. Social Awareness
    • It’s not just knowing what the other person is feeling, but what they are trying to communicate to you.
    • You have to focus more on the other person than yourself.
  4. Relationship Management
    • Requires that you use those first three skills on concert to create a greater good.
    • It’s much more difficult in relationships that are strained.
    • You have to look at what the world looks like from the other person’s perspective if you’re to find common ground.
    • Don’t win the battle to prove you are right to lose the war which is the overall quality of the relationship.
    • Seeing how your behavior impacts other people and adjusting it so you can improve the relationship instead of always feeling that you are being wronged.
  • Business Case for EQ
    • Emotions are the primary driver of your behavior so EQ impacts every area of your life
    • Some stats:
      • 60% of job performance comes from EQ
      • 90% of top performers have high EQ and 20% of low performers have high EQ
  • EQ Scores by Job Title Research
    • From individual contributor to supervisor to Manager the avg EQ goes up
    • Then from director to executive to senior executive to CEO it drops off more rapidly than it climbed up from individual contributors.
    • CEOs have half the EQ of individual contributors on average
  • Increasing Your EQ
    • This is personalized because everyone has different sets of habits that need to be overcome
    • You have to make positive EQ behavior habitual and extinguish negative EQ habits
    • The three things – three silver bullets everyone needs to work on:
    1. Get your Stress Under Control
      • Stress and health graphed looks like a Bell Curve.
      • Low stress and high stress are unhealthy.
      • “Optimal Stress” is necessary for good health.
      • How to bring your stress down? Taking a walk, breathing, turning your phone off before bed, etc.
      • Attitude of Gratitude. – reduces stress hormone cortisol by 23%
      • The little things matter most when it comes to stress reduction
    2. Clean-up your sleep hygiene
      • Getting 7-9 hours helps, but high quality sleep is even more important.
      • Toxic proteins are a natural byproduct of normal brain activity that can only be cleaned up during sleep
      • Clean up the quality of your sleep. Don’t take anything to help you fall asleep. Benadryl, etc.
      • No blue light in the evening.
    3. Get your caffeine intake under control (BOO!)
      • Makes you less emotionally intelligent in the moment and affects your sleep long-term.
      • If you have to drink caffeine, don’t do it after 12 noon.

 

Patrick Lencioni – The Ideal Teammate

  • The Ideal Team Player is the “prequel” to the Five Dysfunctions of a Team
  • Patrick has used the same three values from being an executive at a software company to the founding of the Table Group. Many of the companies he consulted with decided to adopt those same three values.
  • He called them virtues and said an individual with those virtues could overcome the five dysfunctions of a team.
  • The Three Virtues
    1. Humility
      • more interested in others than yourself
      • about the greater good
      • not arrogant
      • There is a difference between lacking self-confidence
      • True humility is just the recognition of what is true
      • A person who denies their own skills and downplays their abilities is not representing humility
      • Humility is not thinking less of  yourself, but thinking of yourself less
    2. Hungry
      • Passionate and tenacious in getting something down
    3. Smart
      • Common sense around people – people good at practicing the four behaviors of emotional intelligence.
      • We like when people ask us “What do you mean by smart?” We mean EQ
  • When two virtues are lacking
    • The PAWN
      • People who lack hunger and smart. They are just humble
    • The BULLDOZER
      • People who lack humble and smart. They are just hungry
      • Leave a trail of dead bodies behind. Usually they are in charge or working for a wimpy leader.
      • They are easy to identify but can last longer in an organization than PAWNS
    • The CHARMER
      • People lack hunger and humble. They are just smart
    • People who have one are easy to identify and keep off your team.
  • When only one virtue is lacking
    • The people who have two and are egregiously lacking in the third one. These people are much harder to identify and keep off your team.
    • The ACCIDENTAL-MESS-MAKER
      • People who are humble and hungry but are not smart.
      • These are the people you are always making excuses for.
      • Patrick has a lot of patience for these people because he knows their intentions are good
    • The LOVABLE-SLACKER
      • The people who are humble and smart but not hungry
      • They are great people but do just enough work not to get fired.
      • They never go above and beyond. They are very frustrating.
      • Patrick also has a lot of patience for these guys because they are humble, but they can sap the life out of peak performers.
    • The SKILLFUL-POLITICIAN
      • People who are hungry and smart but not humble
      • The most dangerous and the hardest to spot:
      • They know how to convince people that they are humble even though they are not.
      • They are devious because they can hide the fact that they only care about themselves.
  • What do you do with this? – Use it to develop yourself and your people
    1. Identify the areas that need improvement
      • You need to be vulnerable enough to identify the areas you need to improve in.
      • He did a simple coaching example – rank the three 1,2,3. Gather all of the people according to the weakest one of the three virtues and have them brainstorm on what they can do to improve
      • The leader has to go first and make it safe. It’s much better to allow people to self-assess than to tell them what’s wrong
    2. Have the Courage to Constantly and Consistency to remind people of where they need to improve
      • People are either going to improve or opt-out on their own.
      • Both of those are better and more dignified that the passive aggressive approach.
      • If they do not want to improve or leave over time you have to fire them. But that is likely a very low runner if you are consistent
    3. Hiring people
      • We don’t get people out of the interview room.
      • Generally we over-emphasize technical skills
        • We do not have enough vigor in going after team players
        • Johnny Manziel is a great example of over-focus on technical skills
      • What’s more important than being a team player? But, we cannot really identify them well. There is a disconnect between desire to hire and who actually gets hired.
      • Do something with them in a real world example and see how they deal with human beings.
        • Ask them questions more than once and see if the answers change
        • Ask what other people would say about you? Example: “What would your wife say about you? Do you hold grudges?”
        • Stop doing SILO interviews. Do TEAM interviews.
    4. Scare people with sincerity
      • Example: “We are fanatical about humble, hungry and smart. You will hate it here if that’s not you and we will hate you.”
  • Concluding thoughts
    • How much the world has changed in 13 years since he first spoke at Willow:
    • Persecution in the West is becoming more real – not to the extent of Iraq or other places, but the it is becoming more real even in the US.
    • This is the golden age of leadership if you are following Jesus. Let’s not turn our back on God or wilt under persecution – even here in the West.
    • We cannot be bitter – we have to rejoice, because Jesus said to rejoice when you are persecuted because of him.
    • May all of us leaders be willing to suffer for Jesus

Chris McChesney – Four discipline of execution

  • Execution is a game of changing human behavior.
    1. Focus
      • Additional goals in addition to the background whirlwind of activity
      • Law of diminishing returns
        • If you have 2-3 additional goals you’ll accomplish 2-3
        • If you have 4-10 additional goals you will only get one done
        • If you have, 11-20 additional goals, then zero get done
      • Poison pill
        • You have to say no to good ideas.
        • There will always be more good ideas than there is capacity to execute
      • Discern the line between energy to sustain the organization and your goals
        • Focus on the Wildly important goal (WIG)
        • Lives at the intersection of really important and not going to happen.
        • The WIG is a LAG measure
      • What are the FEWEST battles necessary to win the war
        • Don’t go big go narrow.
        • One WIG per team at the same time.
        • Everything else you need to sustain STILL GOES ON
        • You can veto but not dictate to the groups as a leader.
      • Move goal from X to Y by WHEN
        • X is the starting line
        • Y is the finish line
        • WHEN is the deadline
      • When accountability increases, morale and engagement increases because it throws the “game on switch”
      • Execution does NOT LIKE complexity
      • The two best friends of execution are simplicity and transparency
    2. Act on LEAD Measures
      • Two Attributes of LEAD Measures
        • Predictive of success
        • Influenced by teams
      • Lag measure is the WIG
        1. Example: losing weight is the lag, diet and exercise are the lead measures
        2. Everyone knows diet and exercise conceptualize, no one knows how many calories they eat and how many they burned
        3. It’s easy to know the concept but not the data behind the concept
        4. Data is hard to get but empowered teams can get it
    3. Keep a Compelling Scoreboard
      • People play differently when THEY are keeping score
      • We need a players scoreboard not s coach’s scoreboard
      • Keep it simple. Lag measure and two lead measures.
      • The number one driver of morale and engagement is when you think you are winning
      • Do your players (teammates) believe they are playing a winnable game?
    4. Create a Cadence of Accountability
      • In the moment urgency always trumps important
      • Twenty minute meeting weekly where you make one or two commitments
        • did I do what I was supposed to do
        • Review and update scoreboard
        • Make commitments for next week
      • As a leader, do not specify the commitments, let the staff make their own commitments
      • It’s a PULL strategy
  • Conclusion
    • The natural laws of execution are the same laws as the laws of engagement
    • Do your people feel like they are playing a high stakes winnable game??

Erin Meyer – The Cultural Map

  • How cultural differences impact our effectiveness – especially in business
  • Erin created Cultural Maps to help us decode cultural differences
  • There are many dimensions.
    • In this talk we will focus on three dimensions that would make you a good communicator in other cultures
  • Every culture has a great deal of variance around their “norm” similar to a bell curve.
  • This variance is also generational and regional
  • Where you land in a dimension, the others can lie on the left and right.
  • The three dimensions we choose to focus on for this presentation:
  1. Low versus high context
    • Context is shared reference points
    • In low context you repeat and summarize often
      • it’s about simplification and making it clear
    • High context – it’s not what I said, it’s what i meant when i said it. –
      • Identifying the subtle messages between the lines.
      • “Reading the air/atmosphere” “listening with all of my senses”
    • U.S. Is the lowest context, Latin in the middle, and Asian are very high context
    • Ex: In India the same word means both yesterday and tomorrow
    • Written confirmation is key in low context cultures
    • High context perceives low context as being condescending
    • Low context perceives high context as lack of transparency and secretive
    • US is a melting pot so we simplify everything to the lowest common denominator
    • But multi-cultural projects require a common denominator of low context processes
    • When Working work low context people, be explicit
    • In high context cultures ask lots of clarifying questions, repeat yourself less, and learn how to “read the air”
    • Story from Japan about reading in a person’s eyes to see whether they have a question and asking them directly
  2. How do we receive critical feedback
    • Direct negative feedback versus indirect negative feedback
    • “Upgrader” words versus “Downgrader” words
    • Germany is direct, U.S. in the middle, Asian indirect
    • Upgrader language confuses indirect, and downgrader language confuses direct
  3. What silence means
    • high comfort with silence versus low comfort with silence
    • Asian is high comfort, US is low,
    • Americans become uncomfortable at 2.5 seconds, Chinese at 8 seconds
    • There is also overlap cadence in conversation
      • like Latin countries. People talk at the same time
      • There is ping pong like in the US with no overlap but no silence
      • There is ping pong with silence gaps like Asian cultures
  • ErinMeyer.com talks about the other dimensions

John Maxwell – Intentional Living

Right after the iron curtain fell, John spoke in the Ukraine. His interpreter said You’re about to speak to 12,000 people who have never had leaders invest in them to make them better. How do I find common ground? He asked to questions. Have you ever been suspicious of a leader? Have you ever been hurt by a leader? Everyone raised their hands to both. Leaders either bless or curse, and these guys had only experienced leaders who cursed them.

John didn’t have the time to take them from here to there, he only had to get them to want to get from here to there themselves.

John boiled down the big idea of his talk to “Intentionally, every day, add value to people.”

  • Intentionally, every day, add value to people – This is the CORE of leadership
  • So you exist to add value to people or to have people add value to you?
    • What side of this thin leadership line are you on on any given day, at any given time?
    • There is a fine line better motivation and manipulation?
  • Three questions followers ask leaders:
  1. Do you like me? Compassion
  2. Can you help me? Competence
  3. Can I trust you? Character
    • In other words: Will you intentionally add value to my life?
  • EVERYTHING WORTHWHILE IS UPHILL – UPHILL ALL THE WAY
    • Good marriage, physical health, good business, etc.
    • It’s all uphill. It’s uphill all the way
  • People have UPHILL HOPES and DOWNHILL HABITS
  • The only way you can change downhill habits is to be intentional. You have to turn on the switch of “intentional”
    • Intentional living is deliberate, consistent and willful.
  • Significance is uphill and it’s not about us it’s about others
    • Selfishness and significance are INCOMPATIBLE
    • True test of selfishness: when you take a group picture, who do you look at first?
      • If you look good “send me that picture it’s awesome” and if you look bad, you say ” that’s a bad picture let’s take another one”
  • Most people don’t lead their lives, they accept their lives…which is not intentional
  • Five things I (John Maxwell) do every day to add value to people
    1. Value People
      • The one thing Jesus did was value people.
      • Everyone who encountered Jesus would say “Jesus valued me”
      • God values me and he values you
      • God values people I don’t know
      • God values people I don’t like – that’s a little uncomfortable
      • Are we going to spend our lives connecting with people or correcting people?
        • Christians today are much more about correcting than connecting
    2. Everyday think of new ways to add value to people
      • You need to think ahead to be intentional
      • Thinking ahead is preparing, reacting is repairing
      • John Maxwell asks himself, who am I going to be seeing today and how am I going to add value to those specific people?
    3.  look for ways to add value to people
      • I prepare in advance, then when I am with them, i look for new opportunities
      • We see things the way we are not they way they really are
    4. I actually do things to add value to people
      • You need to do it and measure it, not just talk about it
    5. I encourage others to add value to people
  • John’s one word for people is TRANSFORM

T.D. Jakes – Second Wind

(*sorry, I came late I had to take care of something so this is somewhat lacking)

  • We think tribally instead of globally
  • There are more people out on Friday night than in church on Sunday morning. If we want to be salt and light, we need to GO more than we ask people to come to church
  • How do you juggle multiple responsibilities?
    • You are going to miss something every day. Just try not to miss something in the same area multiple times in a row
    • Also, we need to be able to touch things but not hold them.
    • We need good teams around us that can hold things for us.
    • What do I need to let go of in order to take hold of what God has for me today?
  • Why start a Daily TV Show?
    • There are a lot of people who don’t go to church who are starving for what we have in abundance all the time.
    • Opportunity to help people with basic life skills in addition to sharing your faith. Race issues, economic issues, etc,
  • What about Racial Reconciliation?
    • The reason we physically get a fever or have pain is a gift that tells us something is wrong – there is a problem.
    • As horrendous and as atrocious as the issues are, they are in some ways a blessing like pain, like fever, bringing attention to issues that we don’t feel because we don;t know those people or live in those communities.
    • Eventually, a problem you do not know about shows up as a symptom so you can do something about it.
    • We have created pockets of infection that people are trapped in who cannot escape.
    • The operative question is: Have you included people in the overall strategies of success?
      • Poor whites and poor blacks are outside of the strategy.
      • It’s not just about race, it’s about not being able to eat, find a job, have opportunities.
      • It causes “swelling and pain” so we don’t ignore it.
    • TD Jakes wants to deal with criminal justice.
      • “Tough on crime” was really tough on people who couldn’t afford a rich lawyer,
      • Blacks are seven time more likely to be incarcerated for the same crime
      • it’s more about money and relationships than about pure racism.
      • Once you are an ex-con, you can’t vote, can’t get a job, can’t get an apartment.
    • We have left people behind who are no longer willing to be ignored.
    • We have not created a system that allows the under-privileged to be served.
  • When you travel, how do you deal with differences?
    • We see the types of war that we do not have a strategy to win. It’s no longer country against country
    • We need a worldwide comprehensive plan to attack hunger, disease, poverty, etc
    • Anarchy happens because someone in power forgot about someone who was not in power
    • Who is my neighbor is an opportunity to excuse yourself. Jesus told the story of the good Samaritan who helped someone who did not look like him. That he had nothing to gain from.
  • Is the worldwide problem fixable without faith?
    • Yes, but we have done a bad job. The church has the faith but not the works.
    • You have to be intentional about love. You need a strategy
    • You need to be intentional about tearing down the natural propensity in all humans to remain comfortable.
  • On you book “Second Wind”
    • Re-imagining yourself – owning your own future – not waiting on anyone
    • About what made America great in the first place – to be creative and not just consuming
    • Practical pragmatic skills for us to become entrepreneurial again.
      • God is entrepreneurial.
      • We were much more like God when we were creative.
      • We were not created to just consume.
      • We are now consuming from other people’s tables
      • This is a clarion call back to being fruitful
  • How would you inspire, challenge and encourage us
    • I want you to know that there is not one living thing on the earth that is not a seed within  a seed. There is potential for growth. You are gifted and gifted with multiple gifts
    • The real question is what are you going to do with what God gave you?
    • He wants us to take what he has given us and multiply it, to increase it.
    • We are so good at seeing what other people’s gifts are but we are not that good at acknowledging what God has given us – how he has given us.
    • At every age, at every stage you can be fruitful
    • Every morning God has given you a grace to discover yourself

Bill Hybels, Shauna Niequist, Henry Cloud – Blindspots for Leaders

  • Connection – Henry cloud – The Power of the Other
    • Part of what it takes to keep your head on straight is the power of the other.
    • Three Questions to Consider
      • Where are we in our state of connectedness?
      • What is the enemy of my connectedness?
      • Who is my buddy?
    • Map of Connectedness
      • Upper-left: corner of NO CONNECTION. You can be in proximity with someone and NOT be connected to them. A spouse, a boss, a coworker, a neighbor
      • Upper-right: corner of BAD CONNECTION – leaves us feeling bad. We aren’t good enough. You walk away from these relationships feeling like a loser
      • Lower-right: corner of UNHEALTHY CONNECTION – I want to feel good. We relieve the pain and connect with something that makes us feel good. Might be an addiction to drugs, or porn. Might be an addiction that looks positive – like building a better company, etc.
      • Lower-left: corner of REAL CONNECTION- the power of the other. Thriving.
    • Relationships operate according to a formula: I need to make my needs known, and find someone who can help me with those needs
  • Speed – Bill Hybels
    • We ask God to keep up with us. To bless our speed and give us more speed. We go too fast for the people in our lives
    • We need self-reflection.
    • We need to push the time-out button – stop the activity, sit before God, get a journal out and lower the RPMs.
  • Myth of Achievement – Shauna Niequist – Present Over Perfect
    • The Lies of Perfect
      • You are word you do. You are what you build. You are what other people think of you.
      • Everything becomes an opportunity to succeed or fail. The two emotions I felt were exhaustion and isolation. Love is not found in the “hustle”
      • It’s a long journey back to grace and love and connection.
      • I sacrificed my marriage, kids, my inner life on the altar of achievement.
    • Love is found in exactly who you are – right now
      • Being FULLY PRESENT with everyone God has placed in your life, every moment of every day

Danielle Strickland – Leader Interrupted

  • The Difference between Spiritual Leadership and Regular, Good Leadership
  • How do we make a transition from good gifted leaders to Spiritual Leaders with Authority?
  • True peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of justice. Shalom is about everything wrong being made right. The fullness of how things were designed to be.
  • God wants all of us as leaders to come into “Shalom”
  • The world is crying out for all of the wrong things to be made right.
  • Judges the Story of Gideon – Judges 6:11-24
    • Gideon makes some essential shifts in his life:
    • When God confronts him, he is in a surviving posture.
  • True Humility – First posture shift.
    • True humility is agreeing with God about who you are.
    • It is a dynamic tension between insecurity <——-> arrogance.
    • Go in the strength you have.
      • God is calling out what already exists in him. It is already in him.
    • But Gideon plays the old-faithful story/movie tape in his head.
    • Any time you get interrupted by God, “Hey Mighty Warrior” you have the list of excuses playing from memory in your head.
    • God wants you to stop “playing the tape” in your head
    • We need to come into agreement with God about who we are
  • True Dependency – Second Posture Shift
    • Agreeing with God about who he is – vertical dependency
    • You are NOT God.
    • Dynamic tension between self-sufficiency and codependency
    • Gideon is making “pockets of dependency”
      • We need to create spaces in our lives where only God can show up.
      • We run things in such a way in America where we really don’t need God.
    • We need the experience of God in our real lives.
  • Take the Shalom into the world
    • The Ephesians 6 armor of God includes the Boots of Shalom
    • God wants us to bring that Shalom – that wholeness of justice and rightness – true Peace – to the world around us

Horst Schulze – Creating an Organization of Excellence and Efficiency

  • What do you think about when starting a new business or reimagining your current business?
  • Separate into industry – market segment(s)
  • You need to identify what that segment wants – who are the customers?
  • What you need to do to be successful?
    • Whatever you produce, you have to do it better than the competition.
    • You need to be more SUFFICENT to the end customer.
  • Sufficiency means you create excellence in what the customer wants.
  • But, you also have to be more EFFICIENT, so it costs you less than it costs the competition to produce a better product – you need to be more efficient
  • You need to build the MOST sufficient and MOST efficient business and that requires leadership.
  • Any customer wants
    • Perfect product – NO defects
    • You serve them timely
    • You care (this is the most important
  • If you care and show hospitality, you develop a longer term win because even if they do not buy anything short-term, they will be back long-term
  • Every business is in the hospitality business
  • From the Order of St Benedict – On the Reception of Guests

Let all guests who arrive be received like Christ,

for He is going to say,

“I came as a guest, and you received Me” (Matt. 25:35).

And to all let due honor be shown,

especially to the domestics of the faith and to pilgrims.

As soon as a guest is announced, therefore,

let the Superior or the brethren meet him

with all charitable service.

And first of all let them pray together,

and then exchange the kiss of peace.

For the kiss of peace should not be offered

until after the prayers have been said,

on account of the devil’s deceptions.

In the salutation of all guests, whether arriving or departing,

let all humility be shown.

Let the head be bowed

or the whole body prostrated on the ground

in adoration of Christ, who indeed is received in their persons.

After the guests have been received and taken to prayer,

let the Superior or someone appointed by him sit with them.

Let the divine law be read before the guest for his edification,

and then let all kindness be shown him.

The Superior shall break his fast for the sake of a guest,

unless it happens to be a principal fast day

which may not be violated.

The brethren, however, shall observe the customary fasts.

Let the Abbot give the guests water for their hands;

and let both Abbot and community wash the feet of all guests.

After the washing of the feet let them say this verse:

“We have received Your mercy, O God,

in the midst of Your temple” (Ps.47[48]:10).

In the reception of the poor and of pilgrims

the greatest care and solicitude should be shown,

because it is especially in them that Christ is received;

for as far as the rich are concerned,

the very fear which they inspire

wins respect for them.

  • Process and Products are MANAGED
  • People need LEADERSHIP
  • What do employees want?
    • We are going somewhere from here to there. Align people on the journey
    • Is the destination of the leader good for everyone?
    • Is it good for all concerned: employees, customers, shareholders and society as a whole – measured by the VALUES that God gives us
  • How can I lead if I do not have true, steadfast VALUES.
  • Show new employees on day one where is the destination, how the vision and mission benefits everyone. This creates alignment
  • Alignment means you are aligning the heart and soul with your heart and should, but there has to be benefit for them.
  • You have to manage the process of hiring but LEAD the people.
  • When a significant emotional event in your life occurs, you are open to change in behavior.
  • If you introduce them to on honorable objective that is for the benefit of everyone, people will align. You need to do this on day one, and then reinforce it every day. Total focus on people every day.
  • When we win, how will the employee benefit? Be honored?
  • You hire people NOT for function (wash dishes, check people in). That is NOT moral. Those are human beings
  • You hire people to be part of a purpose, part of a dream – to join us. They need to know what the dream is.
  • Capella Hotel Group Canon
    • http://www.ayanaresort.com/assets/file/AYANA_canon_card.pdf

Capella Hotel Group is in business

to create value and unparalleled

results for our owners by creating

products which fulfill individual

customer expectations.

We deliver reliable, genuinely caring

and timely service superior to our

competition, with respected and

empowered employees who work in

an environment of belonging and

purpose.

We are supportive and contributing

members of society, operating with

uncompromising values, honor and

Integrity.

  • Efficiency means you fulfill and MEET the customer’s requirements.
    • Do NOT exceed the customer’s expectations – that is wasteful and inefficient.
    • We exceed the competition, but we do not exceed customer expectations. We meet them.
    • Eliminate everything that does not add value.
  • The greatest efficiency you can have in your business is the elimination of defects
    • 5.6% of a business transaction as an average have mistakes. That rework causes inefficiencies.
    • Elimination of defects creates huge ROI.
    • The root cause of defects is almost always five steps away.
    • Example: Slow Room Service
      • Ask the team involved to find the cause of bad room service. Utilize cooks, waiters, etc
      • The team figured out that waiting for the elevator was the main cause of slow room service. It was several steps removed.
      • But more than that, the housekeeping people would prop the elevator door open because they were short on linen. More steps removed
      • Now, ask the laundry people, why are we short on linen. It ends up they were short on linen since the very opening of the hotel.
      • It was Horst himself who was the root cause of the problem when he decided to cut the linen on the opening of the hotel 🙂
    • So root cause is almost always several steps removed from where the defect is actually felt
  • Empowering employees is simply respecting them. Loving them well.

Filed Under: Book/Speaker/Conference, Character, Full Article, Main, Spiritual

Not Having the Right Title for Influencing People

August 9, 2016 by Bob Clinkert Leave a Comment

I was having a peer-to-peer mentoring call last night with a couple of guys I have known for many years. One of the topics discussed was how we are all good at playing various “roles” that come our way in life. One guy was sharing that when he plays a “host” or “leader” role, he’s very extroverted, outgoing, friendly, connecting, etc. He remarked that if he attended the same function in as just a regular “attender” role, his introversion would have taken over and he would have been a lot more subdued.

breneSmall

 

As I mulled over that comment a little, I came to the realization that I struggle with the same issue when it comes to “role” but I have not been able to articulate it until now.

 

It’s a little ironic, because after being in the big corporate world for the first decade of my career, I learned that you have to play the professional role FIRST, before you actually get the official title. I did a decent job of this in my professional context and did my best to take on leadership roles and responsibilities without the title – because I figured out that the title generally comes soon after.

 

I remember once at the height of the tech boom, hiring a manager who would be working for me, but he would be making a good deal more money than me. I remember my director asking me if I was OK with that. Of course, I said, “No problem. We need him and he won’t come over for anything less.” While that was indeed true, I also knew that I had a much bigger payday coming my way later on to “make things right.” In a sense, I gave myself a future raise by hiring a guy at a salary greater than my own.

 

So, in my professional contexts, I have been very aggressive at playing particular leadership roles, before I had the title – primarily as a means to get the title later. In ministry / outreach / life-on-life contexts, that motivation always seemed disingenuous – so I dialed down that internal drive in those contexts.

 

Over time, I believe that has led me to a place where I subconsciously feel like I need a particular “role’” in order to have “influence” in someone’s life. Or, more clearly stated, that the lack of a particular role – or platform – in ministry / outreach / life-on-life contexts somehow limits my ability to have influence in those contexts.

 

I have spent too much time in my life bemoaning the fact that I do not have a title that lends itself well to making a difference in people’s lives. I have always been envious of people who have the title “pastor”, “counselor”, “social worker”, etc. because when you introduce yourself to someone, it’s can be a huge advantage to dropping barriers and opening doors to have significant conversations.

 

I feel much more capable of influencing people when I am playing the role of small group leader, youth group leader, or coach. People EXPECT to be influenced by those roles. They are open and receptive to it.

 

When you are sitting next to someone on a plane and they ask you what you do, and you say you are a pastor – and go on to share how you have published multiple books, lead a large congregation, etc., people naturally open up more and are more willing to have significant life-on-life conversations. When you introduce yourself as a computer programmer, people are much more likely to tune out – or ask you to fix their smart phone.

 

pastor1Small

My “pastor-envy” and “psychotherapist-counselor-Brene Brown-envy” I think have some legitimate basis in fact. People are more willing to open up more quickly about issues that are really important in life when you carry those titles. People are expecting to be influenced. Not so much for operations experts with an engineering background.

 

I would much rather have life-on-life influence with people than be a professional, vocational success – but, I don’t want to quit my job and become a pastor just to make influencing people a little easier. That’s just not the right motivation.

 

The truth is, I do NOT need a particular title or “role” to have deep influence in someone’s life. It may be more difficult to have deeper, more meaningful conversations with people in casual contexts – like on the proverbial plane flight – but I need to be intentional and cognizant of playing the “pastoral” and “counseling” ROLE even though I do not have the TITLE.


That’s hard for me to do. It’s easy and safe for me to hide behind the lack of a platform that is seemingly easier to lend itself to influencing people. It’s a great excuse. I need to see every opportunity as a genuine opportunity to influence – love people well – and allow the Spirit to make the deeper connections.

 

I still might make up some business card some day that say, “Senior Pastor of Operations” or “Technical Project Counselor” or “Real-time Software Therapist” – but until then, I need to double-down on leveraging every opportunity I have to influence, and lose all of the excuses.

Filed Under: Character, Full Article, Main, Spiritual

Good Advice from Graduating High School Seniors

August 8, 2016 by Bob Clinkert Leave a Comment

We had our “moving-on” ceremony for the graduating high school seniors in our youth group last night. We dedicated part of the night to honoring them, looking back on their last seven years in student community, and tapping their brains for advice to the younger kids in the program. It was a bittersweet event as “moving-on” events always are.

seniorStucoSmall

I have been a student leader at my local church for almost 20 years now. That longevity gives me a great perspective and vantage point on the lives of the kids. Some of the kids who “moved-on” last night I have known to some extent since they were born, others since elementary school, others since jr high. When you are casually involved in the lives of other people’s kids, you get to see changes in bigger bunches. They grow 6 inches taller since last time you saw them, they can now dunk on you playing basketball and for many of them, they grow from immature kids into developing leaders.

 

Part of the service last night involved inviting each of the three graduating senior groups on stage to share one of their favorite moments from student community over the years, as well as to share some advice for the younger kids.

 

I remember meeting one of the graduating girls many years ago in jr high. I remember telling her that I do not recognize jr highers as legitimate people until they are freshman in high school. That’s one of my running gags that is partially having fun with the kids and partially serious 🙂

 

Every few months when I would see her around, she’d say something like, I’m going to be in 7th grade soon. Almost done with 7th grade, I’m going to be an 8th grader – one more year until you have to recognize me. Then, when she finally became a freshman, I was a man of my word and always acknowledged her by name and took time to catch up on what’s new in her life.

 

There she was, four years later, on stage, as the spokeswoman for her group. She was sharing happy memories and wise counsel on behalf of the group, while pictures of her with her friends and leaders over the last seven years flashed on the screen behind her. She has formed some great friendships and has made a big difference in the lives of so many people over the last seven years as a part of the student community. I am very proud of her, her friends, and her leaders.

 

One of the two guys groups shared their experiences. At the end of the sharing time, one of their leaders, a guy I have gotten to know well over the last couple years, thanked them for giving him “permission” to lead them. He thanked them for the influence they had in his life over the years, and encouraged them that growing spiritually is a lifelong endeavor – it doesn’t end when you go to college, it is just the beginning.


It’s cool to see the importance and fluidity of the “leader” role. You are an influencer, who should also be open to being influenced. Your role matters, but the relationships the kids develop with each other is more important. The investment you make, probably won’t be fully realized for many years, and probably never fully expressed. It is a difficult role with many ups and downs. Those that are willing and able to stay the course deal with some challenging moments, enjoy some good moments, and make investments for the benefits of others, primarily in the future.

 

The last group that went was the biggest and most rowdy group. Some of them had been together for the whole seven years of student community. Since this particular group really liked to have fun, the youth director was a little tentative when he gave them the mic and asked them to share their advice to the rest of the students – he even threw in a little insurance disclaimer right before they spoke.  

 

What they shared turned out to be sage advice. They shared two “tips”. The first tip was, “show up”. In order to build relationships, you need to spend time with each other. In order to spend time together, you simply need to show up. Showing up is difficult – especially in the over-programmed western burbs of Chicago. There are plenty of activities that seem more important from academic work, to sports, to music, to just taking a break from the insanity of suburban high school life.

 

Those that actually make the effort to show up, not only benefit themselves, but the rest of the kids in their group benefit, and, over time, the entire community benefits. Showing up is great advice. It is the easiest and simultaneously the most difficult decision you can make for any long-term, relational activity.

 

The second tip was to “invite new people in”. Wow. That is some serious wisdom coming from high school senior guys. They remarked that while some of them have been together for many years, they also made it a high priority to invite new people, and to make sure that new people felt included in their group. It’s so easy to allow good friendships to be intimidating to “outsiders”. These guys admonished everyone to make the extra effort to invite AND by inclusive after you invite.

 

Inviting high school kids to a church group is intimidating enough – but making the effort and the space for them to feel included takes a great deal of intentionality and maturity. These guys knew how to make it work and are great examples to the younger groups in student community of how to invite, and how to include. The circle of this group includes older friendships and newer friendships – and the impact of those friendships is only beginning to be felt.  

 

When I shared with my group of incoming sophomore guys after the senior groups shared on stage, we discussed those two tips in detail. I also added a third tip: “you get out what you put in.” If you do not feel like you are getting a lot out of a group – it is most likely because you are not putting enough into it. Showing up is a critical prerequisite to relationship building, but you must move beyond showing up to being invested and committed if you hope to maximize the relational impact you will have on others and experience yourself.
So, another group of young people have graduated high school and will be entering college over the next several days, and most of them will be spending 4-5 years at college more fully developing and growing into independent adults. It’s an amazing process – and I have been able to see it happen for my own kids, and many, many others.  It’s a mixed bag of challenges and awesomeness. Creating time and space for kids to focus on relationships and building a spiritual foundation is well worth the effort. Sometimes it takes a while to see the full effect, and for some of it, maybe much of it, you will never get to see it all – but someone sees it. Someone feels the result of that investment down the road – and for them, it’s always worth it!

Filed Under: Character, Full Article, Main, Spiritual, Story

Protected: The Refining Fire of Youth Sports

June 27, 2016 by Bob Clinkert Leave a Comment

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Filed Under: Character, Full Article, Main, Spiritual, Story

You Need People Who Believe in You

June 24, 2016 by Bob Clinkert Leave a Comment

JR Smith was one of the unlikely heroes of Game 7 for the Cleveland Cavaliers, and has experienced more than an average share of trouble and controversy in his life. JR Smith had been a mediocre player before coming to the Cavs where he has turned things around, especially in the 2016 playoffs. He averaged 11.5 points per game in the postseason this year, and shot 43% from deep. He had 8 points in the 3rd period of Game 7 of the Finals, keeping the Warriors from being able to build a sizable lead when the rest of the Cavs were cold. lead. He also had to guard Curry and Thompson most of the series and did a good job keeping them in check.

OAKLAND, CA - JUNE 19: J.R. Smith #5 of the Cleveland Cavaliers holds the Larry O'Brien Championship Trophy after defeating the Golden State Warriors 93-89 in Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals at ORACLE Arena on June 19, 2016 in Oakland, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images) ORG XMIT: 643779267 ORIG FILE ID: 541547642

 

During his post-game 7 interview, he gave most of the credit for his success to his parents and his family. while answering, he mentioned his father, Earl Smith, and that Sunday, was Father’s Day. He then began to cry. Here is a partial transcript of what JR Smith had to say in that interview:

I mean, my parents, my family — that’s the biggest inspiration in my life. I’ve been in a lot of dark spots in my life, and if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be able to get out of them. But they are who they are. They followed me. They yelled at me, they screamed at me. They loved me. They hugged me. They cried with me. They always stuck by my side, no matter right or wrong. And I know a lot of people don’t have their parents in their life — their mother or their father — but, I got the best two. You guys were, I swear. There’s six of us and they didn’t treat any of us different. They loved us the same. They treated us all the same, and I just want to be like them when I grow up. My dad is easily my biggest inspiration to play this game. To hear people talk bad about me, it hurts me, because I know it hurts him, and that’s not who I am. And I know he raised better, and I know I want to do better. Everything I do is for my parents and my family. The cars is nice, the houses is nice, but none of this matters without them. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be here. I don’t know where I would be. Honestly, if it wasn’t for them — if it wasn’t for the structure and the backbone that I have — I wouldn’t be able to mess up and keep coming back and being able to sit in front of you as a world champion.

jrsmith2

That’s pretty cool. I love what he says there an how he says it. I had a couple take-a-ways.

 

1) Great support comes as a dynamic balance in a tension between compassionate-love and tough-love. If you notice in his transcript he says, “They followed me. They yelled at me, they screamed at me. They loved me. They hugged me. They cried with me.” In a few moments, JR Smith describes that critical balance that is real life. Sometimes you need a hug, sometimes you need a challenge, discipline, and accountability. Real love and real mentoring are able to keep those two end of the tension in harmony.

 

2) Some people, like JR Smith, are fortunate enough to have loving, caring, genetically-related family members to mentor them and help them through life. That is a true blessing. It is a true blessing to be that kind of family as well. Others have no genetically-related family, or the ones that they do have are abusive, dysfunctional and need to be kept at safe difference. We all need to find people in our lives who will be those positive influences, whether they are genetically-related family or not. On the flip-side, we all need to establish healthy boundaries to keep the negative influences out – genetically-related family, or not.

 

Finding mentors who believe in us is one of the most important things any of us will ever do. It can mean the difference between being all you were born to be, or falling short and letting opportunities slip away. That leads me to my final take-a-way number

 

3) If we expect people to be a positive influence in our lives, we should also give of our time, energy and resources to invest in and believe in others. Just like the old saying goes, In order to have a friend you need to be a friend. I have found that expression to be true for mentoring as well. In order to have mentors in your life, you need to be willing to be a mentor in the lives of others.

Filed Under: Character, Full Article, Main

Facing your Shame

June 20, 2016 by Bob Clinkert Leave a Comment

People always talk about how great leaders face their fears and overcome. While that is true, I believe there is one thing that is even more difficult for any great leader – or anyone for that matter to do – and that is to face their shame. To face their shame after they have personally failed in character – in the moment. There was a moment after the Cavs had won the championship last night, where one player – Draymond Green from Golden State – had the courage to face his shame.

 

lebronjamesdraymond2

Last night LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers became the first team in NBA history to come back from a 3-1 finals deficit and win the championship – against the Golden State Warriors who had just come off the best regular season in history, with the first unanimous season MVP – Steph Curry.

 

Golden State lost their composure in the last few games of the series, and Draymond Green kind of led the way in that loss of composure, leading to his suspension in game five. In fact, it was likely Green’s taunting of LeBron James that help light the competitive fire in James to do what had never been done before – coming back from a three games to one deficit.

 

Draymond took some cheap shots – both physically and verbally – at LeBron James throughout the series. I believe that James intentionally taunted Draymond throughout the series to try to make him lose his cool. But, at the end of the day, you are responsible for your own actions, and Draymond was responsible for his.

 

I remember when the Chicago Bulls finally defeated their arch-nemesis – the Detroit Pistons – to advance to the finals many years ago. Isaiah Thomas and his band of sore-losers checked out of the game with a few seconds left and went to the locker room so they didn’t have to congratulate the Bulls and watch them celebrate. To me, and to many others, that really tarnished Isaiah Thomas’ legacy, and is probably a demon that has haunted him ever since. A brief moment of character deficiency in the heat of battle – that could never be fully atoned for later.

 

The same moment came to Draymond Green last night. After losing the championship, Green went back to the locker room and had an opportunity to think. He heard that small voice inside of him – urging him to do the right thing. Urging him to face his shame, swallow his pride, and go back out there and congratulate LeBron. I am sure, in that moment, it was a real struggle. Fortunately for Draymond, he overcame his shame, swallowed his pride, worked his way through the pandemonium with purpose, found LeBron, gave him and big bro hug and congratulated him. Here is what Draymond had to say later about that moment:

 

“Like I said, I hate to lose, but you learn something from everything. I take pride in being a high-character guy, and to just leave the floor like I did, I wouldn’t have been able to — I wouldn’t have felt right about myself for a long time if I didn’t go back out there and congratulate those guys on what they accomplished. So, once I sat down for a minute, I knew that the right thing to do was to go out there and congratulate them on a great season, great series, and on winning the ring.”

 

lebron-draymond-compressor

Kudos to you Draymond for doing the right thing. While I am not a great professional athlete, I know all about being in a position where I need to decide if I am going to face my shame or not. They do not come in the heat of NBA championship battle – but in battles on a much smaller stage – with my wife, my kids, my coworkers, the baseball teams I coach.

 

I am very competitive and very type A. In the heat of the moment, I have a tendency to say things I shouldn’t say – and will later regret. I know what it’s like to hear that still small voice inside of me, urging me to get up and go make it right. It’s difficult. I am so disappointed that I failed – once again – that I want to run, hide, and hope it just goes away. It takes an enormous amount of personal courage to swallow my pride and face those moments after I blow it.

 

They are normally not huge, newsworthy, life-altering character deficiencies. Usually they are just related to the things I say in the heat of the moment, the way I treat people, the way I carry myself. Usually only for very short periods of time as well. Because I am normally able to control myself, I can sometimes try to excuse my harsh behavior in heated moments. I am under a lot of pressure at times. Everyone loses it every now and then.

 

Fortunately for me, I have some friends and people close to me who can encourage me to be the best I can be – which at times means facing my shame. Just recently I was in an urgent situation at work for a couple weeks requiring long hours, high stress, and lots of close personal interactions. I did better than I usually do, but I had several moments of not being who I want to be. I allowed myself to succumb to the heat of the moment several times when I should have been able to fight through it.

 

God’s small voice is always there to encourage me to own it, make it right, and find a way to do better in the future. I took the time to share my issues with a few close friends and mentors in my life. I also took the time to own up to it to the people who were directly affected by my loss of cool in the moment.

 

Those situations are always very uncomfortable for me – but afterwards, I always know it was the right thing to do. I wish I could say that I have always, in every situation, had the courage to face my shame – but I can’t. I have missed many opportunities in the past, and probably will in the future. But, each time, it is becoming a little easier to do. Each time I do it, I am more likely to face my shame again, and less likely to put myself in the position where I need to face my shame in the first place. Progress not perfection.

 

I am grateful that Draymond was able to face his shame on a national stage. I suspect he will look back at that moment, as a defining moment for him, professionally and personally. Draymond might have lost the basketball game – and a basketball national title – but he won his character back. Over the next 50 years or more of life he has left, I bet that will prove to be most valuable.

 

Filed Under: Character, Full Article, Main, Spiritual

My Reflections on Becoming a Grandpa for the First Time!

May 25, 2016 by Bob Clinkert Leave a Comment

My wife Vicky and I just became grandparents for the first time! Our oldest son Bobby’s wife Sarah gave birth to our grandson, Benjamin Thomas, more than 6 weeks early, on May 22. We couldn’t be more thrilled to be grandparents. It’s been a dream of ours for many years now.

 

I wanted to share a few reflections on the experience so far.ben-small

 

1) Being a grandparent is different than being a parent

 

Grandparenting is a completely different perspective. It’s difficult to explain the feelings involved, but I know they are different. I am different having raised kids of my own. I have much more experience, wisdom and a completely different set of filters for reality.

I don’t think it is any better or worse – just different. I am much less nervous, less worried, more excited for the bigger picture and more attentive and treasuring of each and every small detail.

Since little Ben was born a little more than six weeks early, he faces some serious challenges in preparing to breathe on his own, eat on his own, and be ready to come home. That’s a big, emotional difficulty for his parents, Bobby and Sarah. They are very private people, but I know it is weighing heavily on them.

While I do not want to downplay the seriousness of the situation, I am filled with a great deal of hope. I see little Ben as a strong little fighter, who is going to make it home as a happy, healthy infant – probably slower than any of us want – but I believe he is going to make it and thrive. It’s a perspective that is powered from a different vantage point.

His parents are in a much more difficult and emotional position. It is their first baby. They want to hold him, love him, bring him home. They don’t want to have any issues with his breathing, heart or his ability to eat, process food, and fully utilize his little diapers. It is difficult as a parent of your first baby to have to deal with potentially serious complications.

As, a grandparent, for whatever reason, I am just filled with hope, love, trust and awe. While my heart goes out to Bobby and Sarah, I trust them as parents, I trust the hospital, doctors and nursing staff, and I do not have that minute-to-minute, present unknown to deal with like they do. I get to see things a little more removed. I am thankful for that and I am thankful that I can bring that perspective to the situation.

 

2) Seeing your own kids grow up is awesome, confusing and weird

 

Seeing your baby grow up, become an adult, get married, and have his own baby is a mind-blowing experience which causes a great deal of introspection and reflection in my mind and heart

I am completely in awe of the whole parenting process from start to transition into adulthood. Each stage of that process has been new, exciting, gut-wrenching and difficult. Each successive stage is more challenging, and has more at stake than the next.

 

It is almost like you are in a continual process of being groomed as a parent for what is coming next. The entirety of the process of adolescence, jr high, high school, college, moving on from college, etc., is pretty amazing to look back on in hindsight. I can appreciate much more of it in hindsight, than I could when I was going through it in real-time.

I have discovered that our kids are both profoundly influenced by us as parents, and at the same time, relentlessly independent and creators of their own self and personalities. It’s both at the same time – and in different proportions and different times in different scenarios.

I can see reflections of the strengths and weaknesses of me and my wife in our kids, and at the same time, I see the way they have become their own unique, awesome individuals, with their own set of strengths and weaknesses that are independent of mom and dad. It’s like watching a  beautiful, harmonious set of music and dance unfold before you that is flawlessly executed by people who are less than flawless for sure.

The funny thing for parents is, it’s never over. You never stop being a parent – but your role changes for sure. While it is bittersweet, it is good to move on, for everyone, and I look forward to the next stages. Each one will have many new opportunities to be cherished.

I am incredibly proud of Bobby and Sarah, and I love who both of them are, and I look forward to seeing them parent our little grandbaby!

 

2) You can fall quickly and completely in love with kids who are not your own

 

Wow. I love kids. I always have. But, it is still amazing how quickly and completely I have fallen in love with this little guy that I have barely been able to touch or spend time with. He is already tied to my heart in a deep and meaningful way, and those feelings will only grow stronger every day.

20160524_114136

I am reminded of the importance of mentoring, coaching, role-modelling and coming alongside kids that are not your biological children, but are in a unique and special position in the sphere of your life.

Vicky and I have had the opportunity to adopt our good friend Julie’s three children after she passed away from cancer in 2011. We feel blessed that Julie knew that we had fallen in love with her kids. In the midst of that tragic situation of devastating loss, Julie was able to have confidence that there were people who would love and care for her children if she was not able to. That is a wonderful gift to give to someone – and her children have been a wonderful gift to us.

While I do not understand the process, I know first hand that you can fall in love with children who are not your biological kids. Sometimes, it is in dramatic ways like adopting children into your home – but most of the time, it is in smaller, more incremental ways. We all can and should play smaller roles in investing in someone’s kids.

This investment can come in many shapes and sizes, and being connected to a faith community makes it that much easier to get connected to those opportunities. It will not be easy – there is always a cost involved – but, in the grand scheme of things, it is well worth it – and there are plenty of rewards to go around. Some you will receive right away, some down the road, and some rewards you will never have the privilege of seeing – at least not in this lifetime.

The responsibility for investing in others’ kids, like biological parenting, does not end at a certain age. We will always have roles to play in the lives of the biological children of others.

At the same time, Vicky and I have been incredibly blessed as parents to have so many other people who have loved on our kids, and continue to love on them.

 

4) Having resources is a huge advantage

 

The neonatal intensive care unit and Edward hospital in Naperville is amazing. The level of competence in the care is amazing. The seamlessness of the process is amazing. The vehicles of care are in a constant state of flux and change based on the current demands of little Ben’s physical condition and how he is responding to current treatment. I have full confidence that Ben is in the best place he can possibly be in right now – and that is an enormous blessing and relief.20160524_115629

So many people, here in the US and in other countries, do not have access to this level of care. Without getting into the politics of it, I can tell you that my heart aches to know that if Bobby and Sarah happened to be in a different part of the world, or raised in a different socioeconomic environment, that their little guy would have a significantly reduced chance of getting healthy and whole.

I am both thankful for our opportunities and also motivated to advocate on behalf of those who do not enjoy such privilege.

 

5) It’s easy to forget the preciousness of life

 

There were half-a-dozen, highly trained health professionals attending to little Ben before he even came out into the world. Immediately after being born, he was whisked away into a state-of-the-art neonatal intensive care unit where he continues to be under the care of dozens of dedicated, professionally trained staff around the clock.

The quality of his life is of the utmost, preeminent concern of everyone on staff. Through this, they are conferring and communicating a huge amount of value and worth on this little four and a half pound bundle of joy.

In stark contrast, so many people who have a few years on little Ben, are treated with very little dignity, worth and value. Some more be may deserving of that than others, but no one in that neonatal intensive care unit is even thinking about how those kids in there may turn out, who their parents are, what their family situations are, etc. None of that matters.

The value of those little lives matter – no judgment – just love, care and concern.

I want to be able to see older kids and adults the same way the neonatal professionals see those little premature babies. Every single adult I come across in my day-to-day life was – or should have been – a prized, valued little baby – my precious than anything else in the world.

Getting older, and maybe less cute over time, should not affect our innate worth and value as individuals – but it all too often does. From my perspective as grandpa, I want to see cure, lovable little guy or gal inside of every adult I interact with – whether they are friendly or angry, like me or not like me at all, and everywhere in between.

Wrappin’ it up

 

So those are my thoughts on day three of grandparenting – thanks for listening!

Vicky and I are jazzed out of our minds with our new little grandson, Ben, and we can’t wait to have him home and healthy.

He has lots of Cubs, Bears and Blackhawks gear awaiting his arrival at home!

Love you Ben!!

20160524_115025

 

Filed Under: Character, Full Article, Main, Spiritual

The Practice of Harmony in Tension

May 12, 2016 by Bob Clinkert Leave a Comment

If you are breathing, have a pulse, and are engaging the world around you at all, it should be clear that we are living in very divisive, polarizing times. Almost every issue, event, leader have people drawing up battle lines, with everyone split between the “two sides.” of whatever is being discussed.

slackline2

Very rarely are people willing to give any ground on any points of disagreement. You typically are either for us or against us, and there is little middle ground. The truth is the truth. And you either have it or you don’t.

 

I recently re-read a story told of Jesus that reminded me of this issue. Whether you consider yourself a follower of Jesus in the spiritual sense or not, most of the world believes that a person named Jesus lived about 2,000 years ago and that he was a very wise, spiritual teacher.


In this particular story, a question comes to Jesus from a religion scholar at the time, which one of the commandments is the most important? Please read the short story as told by “The Message” translation of the bible, from Mark 12:28-34 – 

 

One of the religion scholars came up. Hearing the lively exchanges of question and answer and seeing how sharp Jesus was in his answers, he put in his question: “Which is most important of all the commandments?”

Jesus said, “The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.”

The religion scholar said, “A wonderful answer, Teacher! So lucid and accurate—that God is one and there is no other. And loving him with all passion and intelligence and energy, and loving others as well as you love yourself. Why, that’s better than all offerings and sacrifices put together!”

When Jesus realized how insightful he was, he said, “You’re almost there, right on the border of God’s kingdom.”

 

Right off the bat, I realize that the initial question was flawed. When the religion scholar asked, which ONE of the commandments is most important, that question assumed that there is, actually only ONE that is most important. Jesus, did not answer the specific question that was asked – because it was a question formulated with an assumption about what the answer would be.


Jesus, as he often did, re-framed the question, and answered the real question, behind the original question – the unbiased version of the original question. Jesus shares not one, but two commandments. As I read the story more closely, I have come to realize that Jesus is actually setting up a TENSION as it were, between not two, but actually three specific areas.

 

When Jesus admonishes us to love others as well as we love ourselves, it is safe to assume that Jesus desires for us to love others well. The implication there is, that we need to love ourselves well.

 

Of course, if we are to love God with all of our passion, energy, etc., we would have none left for others or ourselves. I believe that Jesus is intentionally setting up this tension. He is asking us to make three distinctly different things the MAIN thing – which is – impossible in the most pragmatic sense of the word.

 

We could think of it as creating a static balance between the three. I am to focus on God ⅓ of the day, others ⅓ of the day, and myself, ⅓ of the day. While that is simple, and I wish it were that easy, the truth is, life is more complicated than that.


We all go through times where, we really need to focus in on ourselves so we don’t completely fall apart. Other times our family or friends – the “others” – in our lives require our full and undivided attention. Other times we need an intentional extended, undivided spiritual connection with our maker.


So the optimal balance in the tension between those three is much more likely a DYNAMIC balance, rather than a static balance. The ides of dynamic balance can be understood as a surfer riding a large wave. During the ride, the surfer has to keep herself in dynamic balance. She is moving the board, shifting her weight, and adjusting to the flow of the water underneath her every split second – or else, she will fall. Shredding the gnar on the surfboard is a great illustration for dynamic balance in tension.

 

 

That analogy might seem a bit stressful to those who are not into extreme sports. So, there is another analogy that might fit even better – the analogy of creating HARMONY in the tension. HARMONY is the blend of pitch and tone that brings life to music. It dynamically adjust to the melody, note for note. Harmony can make us think of relaxing, soft music if that is how we are wired – are head-banging grunge rock – if that is how we are wired, and/or everywhere in between.

 

 

So harmony is a great analogy for the objective – the goal – of what we are trying to achieve in the God-Others-Self tension Jesus describes. Musical harmony is constantly adjusting to the melody, note for note, just as our God-Others-Self harmony must dynamically adjust to the moment by moment fluctuations in our lives.

 

Harmony is great analogy for another reason as well. All of us know that creating beautiful harmony – beautiful music – requires a great deal of practice. Even if you could get one particular song exactly, perfectly right, there are thousands – millions – of other songs that can be played, that need practice.

 

The creation and sustaining of harmony requires developing a habit of lifelong PRACTICE. As the melody changes from song to song, the musician has to practice new harmonies.  As the circumstances of our lives change, we also must adjust, and practice new harmonies in the God-Others-Self tension of life.

 

I believe this is what Jesus was getting at. There is no easy answer to memorize to get this right. The target is constantly moving, and it looks different for each and every one of us, in each and every moment in our lives. It requires intentional practice and development of harmony in the dynamic tension of God-Self-Others.

 

I have come to view most circumstances and issues in life as dynamic tensions that one must practice harmony in. Work-life, family-life, happiness, meaning, political ideologies, etc. I am beginning to solve problems by practicing harmony in tension, rather than looking for the simplistic easy way out. I do not believe most of life’s challenges have easy, predictable, static ways out that can be mastered.

 

Instead, I am beginning to find increasing success with a more fluid approach to all facets of life. Identifying the tensions and the harmonies, and developing habits of practice around each tension that intersect with my life. 

 

Filed Under: Character, Full Article, Main, Spiritual

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • Next Page »

The 411 on Me

Ridiculously, happily married 31 years to Vicky, seven kids, three grandkids (so far). Comfortable in the gray. Stumbling after Jesus. Trying to make small investments to Unleash the Masterpiece in myself and others.

Connect with Me

Visit Us On FacebookVisit Us On TwitterCheck Our FeedVisit Us On Linkedin

Recent Posts

  • Protected: The Refining Fire of Youth Sports

  • You Need People Who Believe in You

  • Facing your Shame

  • My Reflections on Becoming a Grandpa for the First Time!

  • The Practice of Harmony in Tension

  • Blackhawks “One Goal”

  • Will My Relationship Last? Should I Stay or Should I Go?

  • The Best Parenting Decision We Ever Made

  • Post BLAST Reflections – Super Concentrated Life Experiences

  • Easy to Forget – Lessons from Community Giftmart Outreach

Copyright © 2025 · Metro Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in