Unleash The Masterpiece

Fitness for Life

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I just got back from an early morning men’s meeting. I heard an ex-NFL football player talk about the importance of physical fitness. The theme was based on Deut 34:7 – “Moses was 120 years old when he died, yet his eyesight was clear, and he was as strong as ever.” Quality and quantity of life. I learned a few things I didn’t know. According to a Harvard study, it is better for your health to smoke a pack a day then to go without 90 minutes of physical activity a week. The average American spends about 10 years in a severely degraded and diseased condition before dying. Along with several other fun facts.

He went on to talk about how 3 times 30 minutes a week will reduce that 10 years of morbidity at the end of life to 5 years on average. Physical activity for 5 hours a week, cuts it down substantially from 5 years. The average age of this group was probably 50+ so he wanted to end on an encouraging note. He talked about a recent study where men, 70+ years of age in a nursing home, started a fairly intense (for their age) weight lifting routine. No cardio. Just weights. In three months the tripled their strength, and a great many of them threw out their walkers, canes, etc.

The speaker went over time and before he took questions the MC gave those who had to leave permission to leave. I had to get to work so I took that opportunity to get out of dodge. In my head I was pleased with the opportunity to run out without having to strike up conversations with any of the guys sitting around me. I have only gone to this group a few times and I really didn’t know many people. The old social stuttering phobia is hard to break.

As I was driving back into the office, I started to reflect on times, in my life, of reduced social stress and phobia. Those times occur when I am “socially fit.” When I am spending 90 minutes, or, maybe even 5 hours a week in situations where I have to introduce myself, make small talk, etc. The more “out of shape” I get in the social realm, the more my social morbidity increases.

I got to thinking about other areas of “fitness” that we can neglect. Other areas that may benefit greatly from either a small amount of “activity” per week. Spiritual fitness, are we spending 90 minutes a week? 5 hours a week, talking to God, learning about him, etc? How about parenting fitness? How much quality time are we spending with our kids? Spouse fitness? Mental fitness. Are we reading, writing blogs, etc.? Generosity fitness. How much time and resources are we freely giving each week to those who need it in our lives? On the negative end of the spectrum. If we have anger management issues, what is our anger management fitness level? Gossiping fitness? Integrity fitness? Can we dedicate 90 minutes a week to gossip free times?

The American culture is obsessed with physical fitness. A certain amount of investment in physical fitness not only makes sense from a human perspective, but also spiritually. God expects us to be good stewards of our physical bodies for many reason. However, is it possible that many of us may be out of balance in other areas of our lives? Are we neglecting fitness in the other areas of our lives? For some the neglect in the other areas of fitness may be because of an over emphasis on physical fitness, or some other forms of fitness may be out of balance.

In any case, this ex-NFL player went on to say that time, motivation and discipline were the biggest roadblocks to physical fitness. In my experience, discipline is really the biggest barrier to any type of fitness. Couple that with one of my favorite phrase, “Accountability beats discipline every time,” and you may say that accountability is the biggest barrier to any and all kinds of fitness. When I have a physical workout partner, I am very consistent. When I have no partner, I rarely exercise. I believe the same is true with any other areas of fitness – spiritual, relational, etc. I need accountability in those areas to get it done. That is much harder find in those areas than it is for physical fitness, and it’s pretty hard to find a dedicated workout partner even for physical fitness.

If I want to “be the change” I need to be there to offer accountability to others. Maybe that’s where it all starts.

Birl that Log

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The second letter in Seth Godin’s ABC book. The letter “B” is for “birl.” “Birl that log. Find your balance by losing it.”  Birl is defined – To cause a floating log to spin rapidly by rotating with the feet. My in-laws have been vacationing in Hayward for some 40 years now and I have accompanied them on numerous trips. One of Hayward’s claims to fame is the World Lumberjack Championship. Log-rolling or birling is big up there. One of the camp grounds we stayed at had a log in the shallow part of a lake that you could try to birl on. This was not a professional birling log, this was an old log, covered with algae – super slippery to even try to sit on it, forget about spin it with your feet. I was never able to stay up on it for more than a few seconds. Maybe one day I can take some birling lessons up in Hayward. That would make a good Facebook video post.

Seth Godin admonishes us to find our balance by losing it. That implies, intentionally putting yourself in situations that put you out of balance – read uncomfortable, difficult, risky situations. How many of us intentionally do that occasionally? On a regular basis? How about those of us over 30? Over 40? Over 50?

I have been leading kids/students in a church context for 20+ years now and have been around a bunch of kids/students for longer than that. I give the kids/students opportunities to pray out loud as often as I can. You can learn not only about the faith of the kids, but of the faith of their parents by hearing what the kids pray about. 98% of the time the main focus of the prayer is centered around being safe. “Help us to be safe.” “Help my mom and dad to be safe.” “Help everyone in the world to be safe.” “Keep us safe on our vacation.” “Keep us safe at school.” “Help mom and dad to be safe at work tomorrow.”

Where do they that get that from? Parents? Church/Sunday School leaders? Other people they hear praying? We have an obsession with being safe, especially here in America, especially where I live in the collar-county burbs. Gary Haugen from IJM had this to say about followers of Jesus and being safe, “Jesus did not come to make us safe. He came to make us brave.” How often do we pray to be brave instead of safe? How often do our kids, our spouse, our close family and friends, neighbors, co-workers, acquaintances see us put ourselves in situations requiring bravery on a regular basis? Intentionally place ourselves in difficult, uncomfortable situations, for the primary benefit of others rather than ourselves?

What are we willing to risk for our faith? For the sake of others? I have friends that have intentionally re-located to dangerous urban areas for the sake of spreading God’s love; friends who have intentionally re-located to hostile parts of the world to spread God’s love; friends starting neighborhood groups, starting churches in bars, coffee houses, their homes; friends who quit a good job to start a church, or to start a business that affords them the opportunity to influence those in need of jobs, training, hope; friends who have come from other countries to re-locate here, with nothing but a few suitcases, for the sake of sharing their experiences of following Jesus with us here in America.

We as collar county, suburban followers of Jesus need to step up our game, and put ourselves in difficult situations for a greater good on a far more frequent basis. Jesus wants us to take risks – not to be reckless – but to take risks. Sometimes the risks seem small, like reaching out to introduce yourself to someone; sometimes they are mundane and routine, like a single mom getting out of bed at 4AM every day and working two jobs to support her children; sometimes they are grandiose and sometimes they are humble – and no one else will know except you and God. Jesus came to make us brave, not safe. Let’s live our lives so people who know us well can honestly say that we live our lives bravely, and put ourselves in situations regularly where we will risk losing our balance.

Overcoming Anxiety – A personal story

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I am a big fan of Seth Godin. He wrote a book last year that is an A-B-C, Dr Seuss-like book for grownups. One of my office mates bought the book and I am reading it. “V is for Vulnerable – Life Outside the Comfort Zone.” Seth Godin makes this commentary on the inside cover, “I’m trying to get under your skin. I’m trying to get you to stop being a spectator and a pawn in the industrial system that raised us, and maybe, just maybe, to stand up and do something that scares you. I want you to do what you were meant to do…”

I thought I would comment on Chapter 1.

A is for Anxiety – Seth says that anxiety is “experiencing failure in advance.” That’s a pretty good definition. He goes on to say that anxiety can often be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you imagine yourself failing in the future, it is more likely that you will actually fail when the time comes. Many people that I have known over the years have experienced anxiety at a level that I would consider to be unhealthy in the Seth Godin view of the word.

I personally have battled a certain type of anxiety over the years. I have had a stuttering problem since I was about 7 years old. In casual conversation it can be barely noticeable. In circumstances where I need to introduce myself, either one-on-one or in a group, or have a first-time conversation with someone or a group, it can be very severe and in some case debilitating.

I experienced a great deal of teasing related to my stuttering during my school age years. One of my teachers in high school would never address me directly. He would ask the girl behind me to translate my stuttering since, according to him, she was the only one in the class who could understand what I was saying. In my medical school interview, the dean asked me why I thought I could become a doctor if my stutter was so bad; and when I did get into medical school and  was trying to establish myself in the many different first term group contexts, I eventually started writing out what I wanted to say in my notebook because the stutter was so bad. Stuttering was one of the main reasons I quit medical school.

Of course, the professional business world offers little relief from stuttering anxiety. I have had prospective employers ask for my transcripts because they didn’t believe I had an engineering degree. I have had receptionists laugh and ask me if I have forgotten my name when trying to introduce myself. At times I have made bosses and peers uncomfortable when introducing myself in customer-facing situations.

In my first professional job, I occupied an office of a big exec who was out for 6 months with a heart attack. His phone rang several times an hour and every time it rang I ran out of the office and pretended like I had to go to the bathroom because I couldn’t answer the phone without severely stuttering – great way to make an impression as a new hire. On my first day, I rode in on a Metra train. The guy sitting next to me on the train asked where I worked. I said I worked at “AT&T” because it was easier to say without stuttering than the actual company I worked for, “Sargent and Lundy.” As luck would have it, he worked at AT&T “too” and started diving into deeper questioning. I eventually had to explain to him that I lied because I have a stuttering problem.

These are a few examples of some of the side-effects of going through life with a stuttering problem. Any time I foresee a future situation where I might meet someone, have to engage in small talk, “go around the room and tell everyone a little about myself,” I can become filled with anxiety. I have been to speech therapists, I have been hypnotised, kicked by mules, taken experimental drugs, tried changing the pitch of my voice, tried singing (those who have played rockband with me can guess how long that lasted), tried carrying a small tape player in my pocket that says “Hi! I’m Bob Clinkert.” and everything across the “cure-stuttering” spectrum. I have had pastors lay their hands on me and pray, I have had exorcisms, I’ve fasted, prayed, begged, etc., all to no avail. Throughout the years, I have consistently heard God tell me to “man-up” and deal with it because it ain’t going away.

I can recall the first turning point in my battle with stuttering anxiety. About 15 year ago, I really wanted to start a men’s group with a group of guys who all wanted to help each other grow in their faith. I was asking around, and one of my pastors said he was talking to a bunch of guys who wanted to get into a group, and he gave me one of their phone numbers and asked me to call them. I was all smiles on the outside, but inside I was dreading that introductory phone call. One of the little tricks I learned along the way was to make all of my phone calls at 5AM and leave message on people’s office phones. If I knew no one would answer, I had no anxiety and had no problems talking to the voicemail. People would say, “Wow, you start work early!” So, next day, I rang this guy up at 5AM. Sure enough, he was an early riser and he picked up the phone on the first ring. “Hello, this is Jim.”

Immediately my pulse went up to about 180 and I could feel my throat lock up. I desperately wanted to hang up, but, I didn’t know if he had caller-id or not, and I didn’t want to completely ruin my chances of ever starting this group. In what must have been only a few seconds, but felt like a few minutes, I had this conversation with God. “God, I know you aren’t going to make this a stuttering free conversation, so, I ask you to guide Jim here and his buddies to join the group, regardless of how bad I screw up this call.” Sure enough, it took me about 30 seconds to say my name in an intelligible way. I can’t believe Jim didn’t hang up. I took the next 10 minutes or more to stutter my way through an invitation to my group. He said him and his buddies would love to check it out and he asked for my address and directions to my house (this is pre GPS). Another 10 minutes of tedious, unintelligible bursts of stammering later, and Jim had what he thought he needed.

The following Tuesday, it’s 6:45 and I am waiting for Jim and his buddies to show up. Most people show up early to the first group meeting. The official start time was 7:00. At 7:15, he was still a no show, then 7:30, 7:45, 8:00. I figured that I sounded like such a weirdo on the phone, that they must have decided against coming and didn’t have the heart to tell me. Sure enough, 8:15, doorbell rings. It’s Jim and his three buddies. “Sorry we’re late, but we ended up getting horribly lost. I must have gotten some of the street names wrong when you gave me directions over the phone.” When I reviewed the directions he wrote down I burst out laughing because his translation of the directions I tried to give over the phone through my stuttering was so completely wrong. I honestly have no idea how he ever found the house, or, why he decided to keep driving for more than an hour.

In the months that followed, I build some pretty good friendships with those guys and that group ended up having a significant impact on my spiritual growth and my parenting – most of the guys had teenagers at a time when my kids were very young so I paid close attention to their experiences. It seems as if God showed up, not to heal my stuttering, but to work through it. That experience was the beginning of what would develop into a familiar pattern. I would be confronted with situations on a regular basis where I had a choice between going into a situation knowing that I would stutter, or bail out of the situation. Every time I chose to fight through the anxiety and put myself out there as best I could, God would always seem to show up and develop the relationships in spite of those awkward first conversations.

Over the years I have grown in my engineering career from an individual contributor, to a manager, to a department head over several managers in several different locations in the US and internationally. Since then I have been blessed to be invited into the ownership of a small technology company started by two good friends and we have been on quite a journey of growth, faith, and business as mission over the last decade. The only reason I highlight these aspects of my journey is that they could not have happened, if it were not for the faith, belief and desire that what was on the other side of the difficulties is worth the risk. As I look back at the last 20+ years, my journey has consisted of a long series of opportunities to take a small leap of faith, risk failure and embarrassment in the pursuit of a greater win, and have God get me over the hump to the next small leap of faith.

Anxiety, or “experiencing failure in advance,” has given way to experiencing fear in taking the risk of a small failure for a potentially much bigger win. When I concentrate on the bigger win instead of the smaller risk, and when I concentrate on what a big God can do through small leaps of faith, I move from experiencing failure in advance to expecting success in advance, despite my shortcomings. That doesn’t mean the fear or the risk are removed. I was just at a parenting group a couple days ago and I was asked to introduce myself and almost had a panic attack. I sounded like a potato head, but I pushed on and made my end-goal that everyone would feel welcome and special in my group. That’s worth a little embarrassment on the front-end.

So, start “experiencing success in advance” rather than “failure in advance.” The cure for anxiety is faith, perseverance and having goals worth believing in and worth taking the risk on.

Looking beneath the surface

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I was reading in Lk 21:1-4 this morning about the “widow’s mite.” Jesus was pushing his disciples to observe their surroundings in a much deeper, more meaningful, and more time-consuming way. On the surface, to the “casual observer”, it would appear that the richer people were giving tons of money and the widow gave almost nothing. Beneath the surface however, was reality. Reality was not visible on the surface. You had to dig down deeper to get a reality. Being a casual observer wasn’t good enough. You needed to be a “discerning observer” – a disciplined, thoughtful, caring, and wise observer to see through the fake and get to the reality of the situation. Of any situation.

We are living in a “face-value” world. We really don’t have the time or the desire to dig deep and seek reality. 140 character texts, Facebook posts, 10 second advertising blurbs. The problem is, everything starts looking the same. How can you discern a good company? All the websites, vision and mission statements all sound the same. All of them are love quality, love the customer, love their employees, love the environment. All resumes out there look the same. Amazing depth of experience, that oddly seems to fit the current job posting to the tee.

Facebook is a vehicle to promote the story of your life that you would want to be told, rather than the real story. How many people feel bad about the realities of their own life, family and circumstances when compared against the Facebook highlight reel of the life everyone else wishes they lived?

I was talking to someone recently about how much they hated church. The primary reason was their family would get dressed up and go to church every Sunday as a little kid, and everyone thought they were the best family. Behind the scenes, at home, there was physical and sexual abuse that was unchecked and terribly destructive. When we cater to the false realities, people lives can be damaged.

Even at a youth retreat like Blast. How do we look at the troubled youth? The youth that are trying to be hard, and difficult, belligerent, rebellious. Who want us to know they are not going to participate and don’t care about anything? Does it stop there? Should we wish for the difficult kids to be gone, or should we dig in, and try to get to the reality of the individual situations?

Frankly, I am so busy, distracted and exhausted that it is very easy for me to be a casual observer, and invest where I will get the best ROI, at least for the sake of appearances. Have I created even the margin in my life (spiritually, emotionally, physically) that is necessary to be a discerning observer in every hand-crafted-by-God opportunity for influence that I get on a daily basis?

Spiritual Investment and ROI

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I just finished up with the second day of the Blast youth conference up in Wisconsin Dells led by Community Christian Church. My oldest son who is now a senior in college has been attending since he was in 6th grade, and me and my wife have been leading groups of kids for the last 5 or 6 years now. It has always been such an incredibly top notch event and it keeps getting more and more impactful every year. As I was looking around at all of the different church leaders, parent leaders, student leaders and attendees, I was reflecting on the enormous amount of investment that has been made in and through so many hundreds of people over the years.

My youngest son Michael has been coming to Blast with me since he was 5 or 6 years old. This year marks his first official Blast experience as a 6th grader in junior high. I was watching him and his friends and was marvelling at the gi-normous foundation that has already been laid for him as a 6th grader. He was born the fourth child and his oldest sister was present in the hospital room for his birth, just because she loves kids so much and was so excited to have a new little brother. Michael’s older siblings and their friends have been investing in him since he was born. His older brother has been teaching him drums, baseball, football, etc., since he was old enough to hold drumsticks and wear a mitt. His sisters have been loving on him and growing his self-esteem on a daily basis. Michael has had the privilege of being loved by new brothers and a sister who are living with us, and even more amazing, is, in Michael’s eyes, this is all normal. Michael is more comfortable talking to high school and college kids than he is kids his own age, all because of the way my kids’ friends have loved on Michael and intentionally developed friendships with him.

Michael sees wedding pictures of his mom and dad in the early 20’s and see them still happily married and very much in love. Mike thinks this is normal. It’s normal for him to see his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins several times a year and have them build into his life on a regular basis. Michael went on his first mission trip when he was 6 years old and thinks it’s normal to have friends in the Philippines who used to be abandoned to live on the streets. Michael has shared pictures on his first grade “about-me” poster of him hanging out with inmates in Filipino prison cells, the sick in Filipino hospitals, and the impoverished children in garbage dump areas. Michael believes all of this is normal. Leaders, friends and their families in Philippine Frontline Ministries have invested in Michael on his multiple trips to the Philippines.

Michael has had  church leaders at every level invest in him – elementary leaders, student ministry leaders, pastors, volunteers, friends, neighbors, etc. Michael has attended dozens of Blast teaching and worship sessions over the last years and heard content that rivals any Christian conference, youth or adult, world-wide. Mike was baptized by his brother and sisters last year in front of his parents, family and friends during his church’s anniversary celebration on Rotary Hill in Naperville. Michael has grown up believing in God’s grace and unconditional love and that it is normal to have a growing, dynamic, personal relationship with God through Jesus.

It is a no-brainer to Michael that he is a masterpiece of God’s creation, with good works that were prepared for him ,and no one else to do. The only business Michael ever known is business with a mission. Michael would never question the desire and inherent, God-given ability to change the world, and he expects to see it happen on a regular basis, from small to big. Just think about the strong foundation that Michael get’s to build his young life upon, laid tirelessly by servants of God, from the humbly, obscure to the humbly, well-known.

This of course, is not just Michael’s story. The 850 students attending Blast this year, and hundreds of church staff, musicians, and student leaders have similar, but unique stories to tell of strong foundations laid by many willing to invest all of what they have to offer. There have been decades of Blast graduates over the years and through God’s grace, there will be decades more and the impact will continue to spread and continue to become a movement of young people who have the desire to change the world, and the audacity to believe that it is God’s good pleasure to do it in and through them.

The big risk in all of this is that Michael forgets how un-normal this really is in the world today. That Michael forgets how many children have known abuse at the hands of their dads, uncles, cousins, neighbors, instead of non-stop love and caring. That Michael forgets that so many children know a father who was abusive or unfaithful to his wife and his family, or a mother whose low self-esteem and abusive history makes her much less of a mother than God intended her to be. That Michael forgets how many kids have heard that they are failures, and losers with no future from their parents, families, friends and others in their lives. That Michael forgets how many people in the world have no experience, or worse yet, a huge negative experience with God and are far from him, if not running away; and, that so many have suffered abuse at the hands of fallen church leaders.

As I reflect on all of this, it give me great pause to recall the parable of the talents as told by Jesus in Matthew 25:14-30. In this well-known parable, Jesus explains that God expects a return on his investment, and the minimum return he is looking for is 100%. How many talents of gold have been invested in Michael from his birth up until the 6th grade? I believe it is likely hundreds if not thousands of talents, compared to the servant who was given the five talents in the parable. I remember that Jesus further teaches in Luke 12:48 that to whom much is given, much is expected. All of this has conspired to bring out a very healthy fear and sense of urgency in me today.

Am I being faithful in communicating the the duty and responsibility that belongs to those to whom much has been given? Am I casting a vision worthy of the incredible investment that has been made in him? As Michael’s father, as the father of three other kids, as a husband, as a mentor to so many students of all ages and young adults, some of whom I know very well and others I know casually – am I casting a compelling vision for a future in which they fully leverage the investment that has been made in them?

What kinds of expectations am I setting? Are doing well in school, sports, music, other activities, keeping free from substance abuse, and practicing safe-sex the highest callings that I hope come to define the life of my child, teenager or young adult? Am I continually setting expectations that far exceed the norm and motivating those I mentor to strive to do immeasurably more than they can ask for or imagine as they are continually empowered by the Spirit of God at work within them?

I need to step up my game and more fully dedicate myself to unleashing the Ephesians 2:10 masterpiece that God has created in each and every relationship in my life, so that God will be glorified by a return on investment that would make Warren Buffett giggle with joy.

Out of Time

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“I don’t have enough time.”

Who among us does not say or hear that phrase numerous times in an average week? Motivational speaker and author, Zig Ziglar, had this to say about having enough time, “Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have 24 hour days.” I started reflecting on that quote yesterday and have been trying to figure out how well that jives with my own life experience.

When I was in college, I barely had enough time to study and have fun, even though my class load and work-load was much less than a full-time job. Then, I graduated, and got a “real-job” working 45-50 hours a week, and enjoying a 50 minute driving commute each day, each way. The “real job” dealt a crushing blow to my free time. I got married shortly after getting a real job, and that placed some new requirements on my time. I had to “make time” to continue developing and growing my relationship with my wife. Shortly after getting married we had our first child. I honestly thought we would never make it. Staying up for most of the night, trying to take turns, being beyond completely exhausted for months at a time.

If my 23 year old self were to meet my now 45 year old self, the 23 year old self would fall over dead if he knew how much more “busy” his life was going to get. The 45 year old me would say, ‘You have no idea how much free time you have with only one little baby.’

As I write this, I am preparing to go out of town on a weekend youth retreat. I will be going to a convention center 3.5 hours away and will be sharing a hotel suite with 10+ high school boys for the next two and a half days. I now have four kids, who range in age from 11-22. I have come to realize, from experience, that older kids can be a much greater demand on your time than younger kids. I am coaching my 11 year old competitive little league team which practices 2-3 times a week or more pre-season, and consumes almost every evening and weekend during the season. My wife and I have 3 additional kids living with us for the last year who are ages 17-22.  Just keeping the toilet paper and the orange juice in-stock, and maintaining the house, plumbing, etc., is a rather time-consuming set of activities.

I have been a small business owner for the last several years, which has been both very rewarding and very exhausting and time-consuming at the same time. Our family works hard to have several family dinners every week, and we are heavily involved in growing our lives together spiritually and are engaged in many outside church-type activities, this youth event being one of them.

I am getting out of breath just writing it out. My wife and I have date nights most every week and we do our best to invest in the marriage relationship. The younger, 23 year old me, would never have imagined how much he was going to be stretched the older he got. However, as I look back on it, I don’t feel that much more stressed out now, than I did 22 years ago. I have the same number of hours in the day, I just make more more efficient use of that time now than I did. To Zig’s point, I have better (or more demanding) direction now than I did 22 years ago. But, it’s more than just the direction. I have been neglecting physical fitness for the last couple years. I have a great deal of “direction” that I should be doing it, but I am not. I have had a few false starts, so I know it can and will fit in my schedule. I have come to find out that making effective use of my time is much more than direction. It is discipline and most importantly accountability.

Owning your own business gives you plenty of accountability to be disciplined. If you are not disciplined, you can quickly lose everything. Reading the bible consistently was very difficult in my early years. For the last few years, I have consistently read the Bible almost every day, and have read it cover to cover going on 4 times now in the last couple years. Why? I always had the direction; but I lacked the accountability to be disciplined.

For the last few years, I have intentionally scheduled a daily, 20 minute phone call with a good friend, to “ponder” a daily Bible reading and what it means in our lives. Direction + Discipline + Accountability = Effective Use of Time. I used to exercise religiously. By religiously I mean, Christmas Eve, New years Day – every day, for several years. I would sometimes workout at 5AM and again at 11PM the same day. How did I get it done? My workout partner was not only a good friend, but was a fanatic about working out and being on time. He gave me a serious amount of accountability to be disciplined in that area. When he had to move out of the area several years back, guess what? I worked out for a few days more out of sheer conditioned instinctive response, and then never worked out consistently again. Why? Lack of the accountability required to maintain the discipline.

So, looking back at my own experience over the last 20+ years, I can say Zig Ziglar is right, or, at least “partially right.” Direction is a necessary, although not the sufficient condition to making effective use of time. You need to add discipline to the mix; but, that still is not enough. I could not find the author of the following quote, but it is so true nonetheless, “Accountability beats discipline every time.” True tha! Accountability makes my weak discipline strong. If I ever want to be consistent working-out again on a regular basis, I will have to find a consistent workout partner and we can hold each other accountable to the discipline of working-out. In my life I have found that Direction + Discipline + Accountability = Effective Use of Time.

To Be a Rat, or Not to Be a Rat? That is the question.

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Love God Love People

I am happy to see Christ followers in America moving away from believing their mission is about an occupation, like a doctor, lawyer or singer, and moving towards what I believe to be a much more real, daily, actionable understanding of mission – love God and love people. The word love in that context means something much different than the meaning implied when most people use the word. In the missional context it relates to how and what you do, in the societal context it relates mainly to how you feel, like being in love. Love in the Jesus, missional context is about putting the needs, desires and dreams of other people ahead of your own. It means doing what is best for another person even if it means sacrifice, even significant sacrifice on your part.

Word is Bond

With that as a background, let me transition into an unusual phenomenon I have discovered over the years as my own kids have gotten older, and I have begin rubbing shoulders with other older kids and their parents. Teenagers keep secrets of their friends and their siblings from parents and leaders; and, sometimes even parents keep secrets about their friends’ and acquaintances’ kids from their own parents. Sometimes everyone but the heavily invested people, like the parents, know what bad things their kids are up to. There seems to be some level of honor in such circumstances. Word is bond. I’m not a rat. I won’t rat out my brother, my best friend. It’s none of my business. Gossip even become honorable with this mindset. Even grown-up secrets like adultery are kept between everyone except the spouse who is being violated; and, somehow, people feel good, honorable and right about doing this.

Only as Sick as your Secrets

At a recent youth retreat, I heard a message on confession and forgiveness. A quote was used that so simply, plainly and clearly articulated what healing involves – You are only as sick as your secrets. Secrets make you sick. They can destroy your character, your witness, your influence, and even your life. Freedom, power and new life comes from admitting your secrets to those who can help you change and become better. A phrase that is commonly used misses the mark. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Not entirely true. Admitting you are a drug addict to other practicing drug addicts is probably not going to be a huge benefit to you. Sharing that same secret with someone who has successfully overcome their addiction and can help you overcome yours – that is a real first step. Not only do secrets need to be shared, but they need to be shared with people who have your best interest at heart and will hold you accountable to getting better.

I heard of a men’s small group where the guys decided to implement accountability when it came to looking at pornography. They set up their computers to email each other the links of websites they visited every day; and, if someone strayed off track, everyone else in the group had to fast the next day. One of the guys had much less success than the others, and one of the members shared with me that he would regularly go several days without eating. What kind of love do the guys in that small group have for each other? Is accountability a loving act? Does it put the needs of others above the needs of your own?

True Friends

Does unleashing the masterpiece within everyone human being sometimes require helping them remove the barriers, obstacles and other things that keep them from being the best they can be? Are we really being good friends by keeping the secret that our 13 year old friend is sexually active with a 17 year old guy? Are we really loving our high school sister when she comes home from a party high, and we help her hide it from our parents to protect her? Is it really none of our business when we see the girl next door walk around the block to hide the fact that she is getting picked up by her boyfriend on the corner? Should we say nothing when our kids and their friends tell us what a huge pot-head the child of someone we casually know is?

Is it possible that if we were honest with ourselves, what we call protecting is really us not wanting to start trouble, wanting to keep the peace, even at the expense of others? Can it be that we are too scared to really love someone and do what is best for them, even if it means trouble, yelling, screaming, temporary loss of friendship? Are those costs too high for unleashing the masterpiece in those we love?

There is someone I know who I always disliked for stirring up trouble. I remember when she held an intervention for someone close to her who was an obvious drug addict and no one would call him on it. It caused a huge falling out, and so many hard feelings. The woman who initiated the intervention was mocked, criticized and ostracized from the family and friends. The drug addict, ended up beating his addiction as a result of the intervention; but as far as I know, has never thanked or even spoken to this woman again. As I look back on it, I have changed my mind about her. I have come to realize that what she did took a tremendous amount of love and courage. She cared more for the drug addict, than she did about what negative fallout might result for herself.

To Be a Rat, or Not to Be a Rat?

Should we be a rat sometimes? Are there situations in our lives where we know that it is in the best interest of our friend or neighbor that they are coached into telling their secrets to someone who can hold them accountable for getting better? Is there a point where the coaching continues to fail, and we actually rat someone out for their own good? Where do we draw the line? Are we praying about it? Talking about it? Thinking about it?

If your friend was about to walk into traffic and didn’t see that a truck was coming, wouldn’t you grab them and pull them back? Why is it any different when they have secrets that are making them sick? Is the difference really, that in the case of the truck, you would be an immediate hero, and in the case of the secret, you would likely be an immediate, but hopefully short-term rat? Of course there is discretion required, and sometimes people become rats to get revenge on someone, not because they have that persons best interest at heart. It’s all about the motive and the situation. But, do you really believe there are never appropriate situations where ratting someone out is the most loving thing you can do? Are you willing to be a rat to help your friends and family members become everything that God intended them to be?

Introduction

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Several years ago, my wife Vicky and I heard about a new ministry outreach to street kids in the Philippines called Face the Children (FTC). During the initial fundraising banquet, we listened to Jeff Pessina, the leader of Philippine Frontline Ministries, share stories of street kids he intersected with and those stories broke our hearts. Since then I have been blessed to have taken more than a dozen trips to the FTC facilities in the Philippines, many with my wife, my kids and their friends, good friends from my church; as well as have the opportunity to work alongside my business partners to establish and grow a missional business in the center of the city that Philippine Frontline calls home.

On each of theses dozen plus trips, I have prioritized spending time both with kids in the FTC program, as well as kids living on the streets who are unwilling to come into the program. I expected to use my love and passion for kids as well as my years of parenting experience to really have an impact in the lives of those kids, and I expected to feel fulfilled from my investment in them. While I have had a positive influence on many of those kids over the years, those experiences have really caused me to question my faith – and not in the ways you might think. Most people expect I would question how a loving God could allow terrible things like kids living on the streets; however, having been raised by a father who has two doctoral degrees, one in the philosophy of science, I had already wrestled with those kinds of questions long before coming to the Philippines, and I have come to logical conclusions on those questions; conclusions that do not contradict my beliefs and understandings about God and the world we find ourselves in.

After a few initial experiences with abused, abandoned, and dangerously neglected kids, I realized that they needed a message of hope and encouragement. I couldn’t think of anything more encouraging than Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Explaining to hurting kids that God created them to be masterpieces, and that they have important work to do that has been commissioned by God before they were even born, was always received warmly and with a smile. I was surprised at how it made ME feel when I would explain this to the kids – deep down I felt disingenuous. While I believed Ephesians 2:10 philosophically, I didn’t believe in it realistically. God’s spirit was convicting me that I really didn’t believe Ephesians 2:10. I didn’t believe it for myself, for my wife, for my own kids, for the kids in the youth groups I led, the other families in my small groups I attended, etc. I desperately wanted to believe it for the street kids; but I realized that if I really believed it myself, my daily life would look a lot different than it currently did. I quickly began to feel like a hypocrite.

I had two choices: first, to abandon Ephesians 2:10 and find some other ways to encourage the street kids, or second, to begin a life-long journey of trying to believe Ephesians 2:10 in my life, in the lives of my close relationships and casual acquaintances. If I did that, I would have the integrity I needed to envision people I didn’t know very well, with the Ephesians 2:10 message. I chose the to start the Ephesians 2:10 journey back in 2006 and I have found it to be a difficult journey. You have to consistently believe the best about yourself and others close to and far from you, want the best for them, and take initiative to envision, plant and cultivate the best in them and in yourslef, which sometimes means weeding out things that choke out and destroy the best. You have to hold these beliefs in spite of the day to day realities of selfishness, pride, failure, and the tendency to favor the good at the expense of the best, both in your own life and in the lives of others.

I have struggled to make progress on this journey, and sometimes it feels like I have taken two steps backward for every one step I take forward. But I believe that most people, if not everyone in the world, is waiting for someone to unleash the masterpiece that each individual desperately hopes is inside of them. I believe the future of the Christian church is closely tied to the envisioning of Ephesians 2:10, and all of the related fallout from making that vision a reality. This fallout includes outreach to the poor, the fight for social justice, and following Jesus. Please check out the about us page and check back for more about the journey of living out Ephesians 2:10.