Unleash The Masterpiece

Removing ALL barriers to empowerment

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barriersSince me and Vicky attended the first Face the Children (FTC) banquet way back in 2005, empowering kids who live on the streets has been near and dear to our hearts. FTC works to get street kids in the Philippines off the streets, and into long-term care and educational facilities. FTC was developed by an outreach organization headquartered in San Pablo City called Philippine Frontline Ministries (Frontline) (www.thefrontline.asia). In 2006 I took my first trip to visit Frontline and FTC. On this trip I learned first-hand about all of the enormous barriers that kids who live on the street face. Abusive relationships, no shelter, limited access to food, healthcare or any of the basic necessities of life. The kids who live on the street lack the structure and the required uniforms and materials to attend public school. Even if somehow they were able to go to public school, the education they received would not get them very far. Most public schools cannot teach even the most remedial reading and writing skills effectively, in a country where two years or more of college are required just to be an entry-level worker at McDonald’s.

In the process of discovering the breadth and depth of these seemingly insurmountable barriers, I also got to meet several of the street kids. As I got to know them better, I learned their names and their stories. I began to realize that they were essentially no different than my own kids. They had wonderful gifts, talents, personalities, love and compassion in their hearts. As I got to know them better, I became more dedicated to do anything I could to remove the barriers standing in the way of these wonderful kids becoming all that God created them to be. I started to dream more with Frontline about what could be. My business partners and I and many discussions with the Frontline directors about how we could use business to support the Frontline efforts. After numerous discussion, we opened up a business, called RemoteLInk Philippines (www.remotelink.com.ph),  in San Pablo City that had a partnership with the Frontline school, church and FTC. We endeavored to provide high tech courses in the school, and job training and employment opportunities for the community.

Over the next several years and more than a dozen trips, me, my family, my business partners, co-workers and friends continued to develop friendships with the former street kids who were now a part of the FTC program. We saw them begin to thrive as the barriers to their empowerment were removed. The children quickly progressed from grade school to high school. Some of these remarkable kids went on to graduate with honors and even as salutatorian and valedictorian, and many of them were among the brightest in their classes. These accomplishment are even more impressive when you consider that their classes included many wealthy, fully-resourced kids from San Pablo City whose parents opted out of the public education system for the superior private education provided by the Frontline Christian Academy (http://www.frontlineacademy.asia).

We started to put together college funding plans for the kids who were graduating high school. One of the kids has already graduated college, and is actually working in the company we started. Some of the kids are still in college. There is much to celebrate. At the same time, there have been some kids who have left the FTC program of their own free will; despite all of the wonderful benefits of the FTC program which include 24×7 housing in a family environment, good food, healthcare, education, tutoring and a loving community of people around them. Despite the new life and new opportunities they had been given, they willingly chose to go back to their old lifestyle. For everyone who had invested so much into these kids, it was a heartbreaking experience.

As those close to the FTC program continued to dig and look for answers, we came to the realization that, the kids who left, were never able to internalize the dream that God has for their lives. They never internalized the belief that the were special and they had the ability to realize God’s dream for their lives. Most of the kids who left never really believed that they had the potential to succeed inside of them. Despite the continual vision casting and investment by FTC staff and friends, these kids lost never gained the confidence they needed to take the next steps.

What we came to realize is that there are both external and internal barriers to success and empowerment. We were very intentional and aggressive about removing external barriers by providing a safe, loving place to live, a quality school to attend with teachers who were safe, encouraging, and gifted at developing kids, food, shelter, fun, family, etc. We did a very good job of identifying and removing the external barriers to success. However, some of these kids had deep wounds and very negative experiences that created significant internal barriers to success. For some, being in a loving, family environment in the FTC homes, and being in youth groups, small groups and church contexts, was not focused enough to overcome these internal barriers.

All of us have internal barriers to success in our lives. All of us have some ability to lead ourselves over and beyond some or many of these internal barriers. There is an expression which says that some people are their own worst enemy. Some people will never be able to move beyond certain barriers in their lives without a formal, concentrated and focused effort; while for others who already have the ability to lead themselves beyond those internal barriers, a focused effort will make the process faster and more efficient.

We are now in the process of engaging the kids at FTC in regular coaching and mentoring sessions using a structured, focused process and framework to develop inside of them, the personal leadership required to overcome the internal barriers in their lives. For many, the ongoing, regular process of coaching development will allow them to overcome the internal barriers to success; while some may require some additional, focused counseling to enable them to effectively deal with very deep wounds caused by traumatic events in their lives.

We are excited about building on the successful platform of removing external barriers that has been developed over the years at FTC. We are adding disciplined, intentional, focus on removing the internal barriers to empowerment and success in the lives of these amazing kids through a rigorous process and framework. Removing both external and internal barriers to empowerment and success will be the perfect combination necessary to fully unleash the masterpiece that God has created within each of these special children.

The 10th man – Profound take-away from a zombie movie.

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wwzI recently saw the movie World War Z. It was entertaining. While the enormity of the plot holes made it difficult for me to fully enjoy it, there was one scene that really left an impression on me. According to the movie, the Israelis utilized a strategy called the 10th man to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. Pam Ross (pamross.ca) gives a great summary of what the 10th man strategy is from her blog – In Israel, Jurgen Warmbrunn, the leader of Israel’s intelligence agency, the Mossad, tells Gerry that Israel implemented a 10th man strategy to avoid tragedies. After ignoring hints of potential attacks and being caught off guard in the past, this 10th man strategy, simply put, was that when the first 9 men at the table agreed on something, the 10th man must take the opposite point of view. In this case, Israel’s leaders had received an email mentioning a zombie attack, and while the first 9 men declared that this was nonsense, Warmbrunn was the 10th man, and began working as though this was true. By using the 10th man strategy, Israel was able to withstand the zombie apocalypse longer than other countries.

 

OK. So pause that for a moment. I have been engaging some material on Personal Leadership Effectiveness ™ since the beginning of the year both personally and professionally. One of the lessons on effective coaching talks about the importance of giving specific, meaningful compliments to those close to you, on a regular basis. Anyone who knows me knows that I am crazy about the people who are close to me in my life – my wife, my kids, my co-workers, and the close community of people that surround those relationships. I have known about the principle of complementing for decades. I truly believe deep down that I not only get the concept, but I practice it on a regular basis with those closest to me.

 

Every now and then I will have a heated discussion with one of my kids, or one of my co-workers, in which they will tell me that I have been focusing too heavily on discussing the areas where they need to improve, and too little or no focus on areas where they do well. I hear phrases like, “You aren’t proud of anything I do.” “You don’t think I do anything right,” etc. Of course, my immediate reaction is to bristle at these comments. I really believe my kids and co-workers are awesome and I am very proud of them and their accomplishments, and I could sing their praises in very specific, meaningful ways. But, as I have been reflecting on these times, it has made me realize that the people closest to me have a legitimate beef with me.

 

If I am honest in reflection, the truth is, I sometimes don’t verbally articulate the thoughts I have in my heart. I feel them, but I am not intentional about expressing them. Not out of malice, more out of habit. I rarely compliment myself or focus on my strength areas. Not because I don’t think I have any strength areas, but, because I think, why waste time on areas I am already strong? I have a limited amount of energy to expend, and I might as well focus on areas that I need to improve. So, I very simply just deal with people as I deal with myself.

 

The sad part is, that I spent most of my adult life thinking I was consistently good at this important skill, when I actually have had a great deal of room for growth and development. I have been working closely with certain co-workers for more than a dozen years, and I have missed so many opportunities to give meaningful praise and compliments. Several of my kids are either in college, or have graduated college and the amount of meaningful time with have with each other is naturally decreasing more and more as they enter adulthood and start living their lives independently. I feel some remorse that I did not maximize the opportunity of the younger years with them to fully compliment them as often as I could have. I am not saying I was a terrible father, but I am saying I missed out on some meaningful opportunities simply because I was not able to do a good enough job of being self-aware. I actually believed that since I knew something, and thought it was important, that I was naturally executing it successfully on a regular basis. I believed my own hype, and I let some precious opportunities to make a difference slip away.

 

Therein lies a major issue that has taken me almost 30 years of adult life to figure out. I am fully capable of unintentional, self-deception, especially in areas in which I have a strong sense of passion and duty. The only way I can be fully self-aware is to know that I have to go outside myself, and have meaningful conversations with those closest to me on how I am doing in areas of my character development. I don’t have the ability to manage myself without external input that is intentional, guided and directed.

 

I want to be a good husband, but I don’t ask my wife how I am doing as often as I should. I need to dedicate more extended moments of time where we are able to deeply explore the issue. of how well I am doing being a husband – where am I doing well, where can I do better, how can she feel comfortable helping me recognize when I am failing in an area. If I had the intentional process of holding myself accountable to 10:1 positive comments to negative ones with my co-workers on a weekly basis, who knows what kind of positive impact that would have had in so many areas. If I had regular reminders and monitors around my discussions with my kids to hold me accountable to the complementing principle, all the time, it may have made it easier for them to handle some of the more difficult times in their lives.

 

Again, I don’t feel like I was a total failure in any of those relationships, but, I know I could have been better. I want to be better, and I now have some process and framework in my life to make sure I am getting better on a regular basis. I liken it to the 10th man strategy. If I seems like I no-brainer to me that I am doing something right because I am so passionate about it, I need to be willing to ask the question, “Am I really doing it?” I need to be open to the possibility that maybe I am not doing it, or at least not doing it as well as I want to do it. I need to be willing to explore the 10th man perspective, especially in areas that I think I have it all together. That is where the 10th man strategy is most valuable – when the odds of a scenario occurring seem ridiculously small, but, the scenario actually occurs.

 

The bible says it this way, If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall – 1 Cor 10:12 (NLT). That is the God’s version of the 10th man strategy. This is about my earnest desire to always be the best I can be, and my willingness to admit that I can always do better. I desire to be in a state of constant learning and sensitivity so I know how I can be better at every point in my life. So, even watching a zombie movie can motivate me to become a better man. Of course, seeing any movie starring Brad Pitt puts me in a position of self-reflection on the state of my manhood 🙂

 

Teaching an old dog new tricks

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dogtricks

I don’t think many younger people are familiar with the expression, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” The expression means that the older you get, the more difficult it is to change, and you eventually reach a point of no return where you can’t change. It has certainly been a widely held belief for as long as I can remember. No one wants a sex offender living next door because deep down inside we all believe you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

 As a followers of Jesus, I believe we are charged with working to establish God’s kingdom here on earth. A big part of the is working for social justice, empowering the poor, removing barriers and obstacles from everyone living out the masterpiece that God created them to be. If I had to chose one word to describe this kingdom work it would be the word change. Working to establish God’s kingdom here on earth requires a boatload of change.

 I have had an opportunity to see some pretty remarkable changes over the years in myself, those close to me, and even those far away, on the other side of the world in the Philippines. The outreach organization in the Philippines that I have been blessed to know have been significant agents of change. The work they do with children who live on the streets is near and dear to my heart. Over the last eight years now I have been able to see so many kids come out of a dark, abusive, masterpiece-destroying place and into a place of love, peace, encouragement, learning and growth.

Some of the kids who are part of the Face the Children program have finished high school, and have begun to live as adults in their world. My family, along with many other sponsors have invested in many of these kids and have even offered them the opportunity to attend college and position themselves to be successful contributors to society and making the world a better place.

 A few of these young adults, including one that was very close to me and my family, chose to walk away from that opportunity. Our dreams for their lives were never their dreams. They were unable or unwilling to embrace a different view of their lives. They were seemingly unable to make the changes necessary to move from self-destructive behaviors into self-empowering behaviors. One of my acquaintances in the Philippines was discussing a particular fall from grace back into an old lifestyle with a passage from the bible As a dog returns to its vomit – meaning, that some people  are not going to be able to change. I don’t think he meant anything personal by it but it really offended me and made my angry.

 I want to believe and experience people changing, every day. I want to continue to believe and encourage those who have failed, and believe that those are only temporary setbacks. I want to believe that patterns of abuse, abandonment, neglect, poor self image and low self esteem can be replace with patterns of healthy self-awareness, love, tenacity, hope and a desire to give back. At the same time, I am a realist. I believe that reality is always your friend. I don’t want to just believe it, I want to be able to know whether or not significant change is really possible in everyone. I want some scientific proof that the old adage was wrong, and you can teach every old dog new tricks.

Well, I came across this article the other day about change, neuroscience, and corporate change initiatives in business. Strategy Business Article. This is a fascinating article that relates how neuroscience confirms that all of us have the ability to change even the most entrenched negative patterns in our lives, and can do it without expensive psychotherapy or mind-altering drugs. My brief summary of the article is:

  • Habits are hard to change because of the way the brain manages them.

Many conventional patterns of thinking are held in circuits associated with deep, primal parts of the brain that evolved relatively early. These include the basal ganglia, the amygdala and the hypothalamus. Information that is processed in these parts of the brain is often not brought to conscious attention. If you want to create permanent new patterns of behavior, you must embed them in these areas of the brain. Taking on new patterns often feels unfamiliar and painful, because it means consciously overriding deeply comfortable neuronal circuitry.

  • Despite the seeming inflexibility of the brain, neural connections are highly plastic; even the most entrenched thought patterns can be changed.

 The kind of mindfulness that accomplishes this combines metacognition (thinking about what you are thinking) and meta-awareness (moment-by-moment awareness of where your attention is focused).

  • Paying attention to new ways of thinking, however uncomfortable at first, can rewire people’s thinking habits.

 The name given by neuroscience to this phenomenon is attention density. When a person repeatedly pays conscious attention to desired thoughts and related goals, the processing of these thoughts and goals stabilizes and moves to the part of the basal ganglia called the caudate nucleus, which lies deep beneath the prefrontal cortex and processes a massive number of neural signals from it. 

MIT neuroscientist Ann Graybiel has referred to the basal ganglia caudate nucleus complex as the habit center of the brain. It shifts circuits into place so that ways of thinking and acting that at first seemed unfamiliar soon become habitual. The power of focused attention is enhanced further by the quantum Zeno effect: just as quantum particles become more stable when observed, neuronal patterns solidify more rapidly when repetitive attention is paid to them.

I am not sure I understand exactly what all of that means except to say that it is pretty freakin cool. It means that if you want to change, you can change; and you can change anything, even the most entrenched bad habits and negative patterns of behavior. That’s great news! Great news for followers of Jesus. Great news for people who want to work for social justice, freeing slaves, lifting people out of poverty and enabling people to be the best they can possibly be.

Reminds me of something that the apostle Paul said in Romans 12:2 – “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Sounds like the first century summary of the above cutting edge research. From another angle, Paul was saying, yes, indeed, you can teach an old dog new tricks, all day every day. Paul knew significant life change is possible. God knows it’s possible, because he created us with the capability for significant life change already inside of us. Yes!!

Trust and boundaries – a personal journey

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The last decade or so of my life has been spent, at the highest levels, wrestling with Ephesians 2:10 – For we are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

The most difficult part of this ongoing journey has been believing that about myself, and those closest to me – believing it to the degree and extent that it results in action that is uniquely aligned with that belief. Over the years I have tried to develop this belief in friends and acquaintances as well.

One of the books I am reading defines trust as believing the best about someone. So this idea of earning trust doesn’t apply in the author’s definition. Initially, I bristled at this definition of trust. Trust has always been about a process of earning – in any contexts I have experienced it.

As is often the case with me, I decided the author was wrong on this point, and just moved on. As I continued to let that thought simmer in the back of my mind, I have been part of a Boundaries with Teens small group study. This small group study has been my first formal study of boundaries and I find that I am resonating deeply with the concept at many levels.

I have come to realize in the last few days that perhaps trust is closely related and tied to boundaries. I want to believe the best about people. My life goes better when I do – I sleep better, think better, talk better, act better and influence better. However, when someone fails to live up to what I believe is the best for them, what then? Should I stop believing the best about them? I hope not. That would put me back in the pit, and greatly reduce the potential for that person, whom I lost trust in – stopped believing the best about – to get better; to more fully live in the masterpiece that they have been created to be.

On the flip-side, we can’t allow negative behaviors to continue to get worse. We also do not want to lose ourselves in the process of believing the best about someone else. It is precisely at this point, that I believe boundaries come into play.  Boundaries can be based on current actions. Boundaries can be earned. Boundaries can be adjusted based on performance and history. Boundaries can be adjusted based on success and future performance.

If I allow boundaries to protect both the individual I believe the best about, and myself, I can now continue to believe the best in someone, even throughout periods of minor or major failure; and, at the same time, still maintain integrity integrity in the process of growth for them and for me. A specific example might go something like this. If your child has a history of drinking, and gets a DUI, at that point in their lives, they really need people, especially their parents, to believe the best about them; to see them moving past this current rough spot in their lives, putting it behind them, and becoming the masterpiece that God created them to be.

At the same time, you cannot allow them to continue to spiral down in a pattern of self-destruction. That is where the boundaries come in. When there is failure in living up to the best that is believed about you, the boundaries need to be tightened up. How tight, for how long, and what the criteria are for loosening the boundaries, are all based on the severity and frequency of the particular failure. Boundaries can be relaxed as new behaviors and patterns begin to replace old, destructive patterns. Throughout that whole process, you can continue to believe the best about your child, and speak the best into their lives.

I think that method of modulating trust and boundaries to maximize the masterpiece someone was created to be works not only for our own children, but for every other relationship in our lives – from very close, to casual acquaintances. Boundaries help ensure that the person actually becomes the best you believe about them; and, those same boundaries empower you to continue to develop your own masterpiece as well.

What do you think? How has the issue of trust, and believing the best about people, played out in your experience?

 

Tips down!!

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I recently made a FB post related to the phrase tips down. The post confused everyone, especially my wife, who sent me a disappointed in you text when she read my post. The offending post, was simply a small snapshot of a much deeper and prolonged thought process concerning the phrase tips down. I thought I would share my pondering on this topic.

This particular phrase comes from a scene in the movie “Hot Tub Time Machine.” Anyone who knows me well knows that I am not a big fan of inappropriate movies – crude with casual attitudes towards adult relationships (trying to stay away from using certain words in this post). In fact, my older kids, now in their teens and lower 20’s, often tell me, “Dad, you can’t watch that movie. Too inappropriate.” It’s nice to have children who are willing to screen your movies for inappropriate content.

So, the way I experience most movies that my kids have grounded me from, is through short, edited clips on YouTube  I think my brother showed my the ski scene from Hot Tub Time Machine before we took a big snowboarding trip with the kids and their friends. In that scene, the guys had just gotten out of the hot tub and don’t realize, yet, that they have magically become young again. They still see themselves as old, but they feel a little more invigorated than usual.

They ski up to a very steep, double black diamond run, and they look at eachother, and the one guy, who takes on my of the leader role in the rest of the movie, looks down the precipice and says, “Tips down. Tips f***in down! Right now!” as he looks across the row of his friends, he points at one of them with his ski pole right in his face, and says “Let’s ride!” And of course, they take off, and in their transformed 20 year old bodies, they are able to conquer the double black with style and flair.

Tips down became the mantra for that ski trip and we were all posting it on each others walls, saying it every five seconds, etc. In the days and weeks that followed, that phrase kept rolling around in the back of my mind. In the last few weeks, the church I have attended since the early 90’s was just finishing up a capital stewardship campaign named all in. That is such an awesome campaign slogan. It takes something from the gambling world, no-limit, Texas hold’em poker, and relates it to a super important church initiative. I love that! So many churches and Christians take themselves so seriously they can’t loosen up a little about an activity like playing poker.

Anyway, the idea behind all in is, that you are so confident that you have the best hand, you are willing to risk it all. You will either go up huge and win it all, or you will lose it all and go home. What a great metaphor for the stewardship campaign – people being able to risk the pot because the desired reward is well worth the risk. So, as the phrase all in was rolling around my brain, I kept getting this image of Jesus, sitting next to me at a poker table with sunglasses on, looking over at me with his cards and chip stack on the table in front of him, and he asks me, “Are you all in?”

One of the great universal truths of life is that most everyone, while lying on their deathbeds, wish that they could go back in time and take more risks. Being all in for following Jesus means that you are willing to risk it all, because the rewards of following Jesus are worth the risk. As I have grown in my faith over the last 20 plus years, I have been placing bigger bets, in all areas of my life, on following Jesus. So I like the idea of all in and how it applies to my life – my followership – as it were.

I also know a little about snowboarding. Several years ago I was in a sports authority and they had a 90% blowout on snowboard gear, so I bought me and my kids snowboards, in the hopes of being able to do something cool with them and their friends, and be a cool dad in the process. Well, over the years, I have had many opportunities to have some pretty incredible bonding experiences with my kids, extended family and friends; however, I am not sure that I ever became cool. I never really skied, so in my mid-thirties I picked up snowboarding.  Not the best idea. Over the years I have seen the following pattern develop, time and time again: Kids show up who have never snowboarded before. I teach them how to snowboard, and after a short while, they are passing me down the mountain like I am standing still.

I snowboard super slow, and really try to be in control at all times. I never let myself get going too fast. On areas with long flats, I never have enough momentum coming in to make it in to the ski life so I end up having to skate until I am almost hyperventilating from exhaustion. One of my dreams, is to one day, actually have the courage, and the ability, to go tips down on a really big hill, and feel the exhilaration of the speed, danger and risk; along with the camaraderie of being able to be with everyone else, instead of bringing up the rear every time down.

As I have thought about it more, tips down is a great metaphor for how I should follow after Jesus in my life. I need to live my life tips down with my wife, kids, family, friends, co-workers and global community. I want to take risks in life for the reward of making a difference in the lives of people close to me, and people on the other side of the world.

In fact, in my minds-eye, I can picture myself, at the top of a big, scary black diamond, with my snowboard on, looking down from the top, scared out of my my mind. Jesus is standing next to me, with his skis on, wearing his goggles on his head. He looks over at me, looks down the mountain, pulls his goggles over his eyes, looks back over at me and says, “Let’s go. Tips down. Tips down! Right now!” I gulp, and my face turns white as I start to panic. I motion to Jesus to go ahead and go without me, while I skeech down the mountain in a full snowplow stop the whole way down. Jesus turns to me again, and offers me the tip of his ski pole, and says, come on, grab hold, follow me down. It’ll be alright. Trust me.”

In my minds-eye, I reach out, grab the pole, and experience the ride of a lifetime. My real-life experience has been less than that, more like being dragged down the mountain sometimes, letting go and rolling down for a while, etc. But, so far I have been willing to skate over to the ski lift at the end of the run, and try it again. I hope that trend continues. So, when I say, we should name our next capital stewardship program tips down, know that I say that with the utmost seriousness and reverence, with a great deal of careful thought behind it 🙂

“G” is for Gifts – Create Imbalance

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gifts“Gifts are the essence of art. Art isn’t made as part of an even exchange, it is your chance to create imbalance, which leads to connection. To share your art is a requirement of making it.”

“Art isn’t made as part of an even exchange, it’s your chance to create imbalance, which leads to connection.” Wow! What a great summary what it takes to be successful in today’s business environment. We need to unpack art, even exchange, imbalance, and connection.


Art

In the last 20 years, globalization has made the world significantly more competitive than it already had become over the last 50 years. The technology of the Internet has given any customer anywhere easy-to-utilize, instant access to the entire global marketplace. Customers can search for any product and service they may desire, find dozens, if not hundreds of businesses offering those products and services, and very quickly ascertain the offerings, pricing, and social reviews of those businesses and their products and services.

Businesses that sell widgets and vanilla services will not stand out, and hence, will not survive. If you want to sell something, you have to sell art. Your products and services need to stand out, be attractive and offer a unique experience to customers. This is art. Art is also realizing that some of your customers will be off-the-charts excited about what you offer, and others will hate it. The days of marketing to the masses and the middle of the bell curve are over. We need extreme marketing for artistic products and services.


Even exchange

Baby boomers bleed even exchange. It is part of our DNA. Customers exchange money for valuable products and services. If you offered a baby boomer something for free – immediately the guard would go up. You would be met with suspicion, What are you trying to pull? At a minimum, your assumption would be that whatever was being offered for free has very little value.

The younger generations have quite different expectations. Younger generations expect to get a significant amount of value, for free, with no strings attached. If you want to sell anything to the younger generation, you need to provide lounge chairs and couches, lava lamps, free wi-fi and plenty of atmosphere, all in a convenient, high-rent building and part of town. The younger generations, who are becoming the dominant generations, do not buy into the even exchange.


Create imbalance

Seth is referring to imbalance in the even exchange; in other words, deliver value for the sake of delivering value, with no expectation of getting paid back. This new business model, that is quickly replacing the even exchange model, is rooted in some pretty old principles. It makes me think of do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In the business that I am a part of, this new business model inspires me to imagine efficient ways of providing ongoing value that can scale effectively – without linear increase costs as the giving away scales up. Sharing knowledge means accepting the consequences of someone taking and using your proprietary information.

At first glance, that mode of operation may seem somewhat irresponsible; however, there are a few factors that turn that thinking on its head. One, your proprietary ideas may not really be that great after all. We may be protecting ideas that aren’t all that revolutionary; and, you may find someone already thought of it before you did. Two, in a global market, anyone and everyone can reverse engineer anything you do in a relatively short period of time. How long did it take Android to reverse engineer the iPhone? If one of the most brilliant people who ever lived, Steve Jobs, cannot protect his intellectual property, why would us lesser folk think we could do better. Maybe it’s wiser to give it away to those who can benefit from it. In Field of Dreams, Shoeless Joe Jackson says, “If you build it, they will come.” In today’s vernacular, that may read, “If you give it away, they will come.” It’s the new way of getting customers.


Connection
Giving away things that are valuable, with no expectation of getting anything back, will build a great deal of trust and goodwill. When people feel that they are being cared for, unconditionally, they cannot help but trust, and care back. It is the best way to develop community – give, without expectation of getting. If you want people to connect with you in a meaningful way, first connect with them in a meaningful way. Fill a void, solve a problem, inspire, lead, whatever it takes to make the connection. Meaningful, and lasting connections are the new currency in today’s global marketplace. Connections result in influence. Influence can not only build your business, but it can change the world.

F is for Feedback

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The next letter in Seth Godin’s Grownup ABC book is “F”. “F” is for Feedback. “Feedback is either a crutch or a weapon. Use feedback to make your work smaller, safer, more likely to please everyone (and fail in the long run). Or use it as a lever, to further push you to embrace what you fear (and what you’re capable of).”

That certainly sounds like a contrarian perspective on feedback. The good news is, that we still have the power to use feedback in whatever way we desire. Seth sets up our usage of failure as a binary choice between two extremes. On the one hand, you can embrace feedback to make your work more pleasing to everyone, and fail in the long run; or on the other hand, you can use feedback to further push you to embrace what you fear, and push you further towards what you are capable of, I assume, also in the long run.

One logical conclusion that results from the latter extreme is that one needs to be pushed to maximize his/her potential – what they are capable of. It is also noteworthy that the origins of this push are normally external; however, that external push can be internalized at some point and leveraged to drive you into a fuller expression of the masterpiece you were created to be.

I would certainly agree that you need to be pushed to become the best that you can be, and those pushes normally come from outside of us. They can come from a positive slant – vision, passion, following a dynamic leader, etc., or from a more negative slant – a holy discontent with a particular form of injustice, or negative experiences at the hands of someone who has been an influencer in your life at some point, an abusive parent, spouse, friend, etc. When, how, and to what extent we internalize these external pushes decide whether they make us better, or worse, in the long run.

Seth also is saying, that making your work smaller, safer, and more likely to please will result in long term failure. Long-term failure implies that it may initially seem like things are going better as a result of your efforts to make things easier, safer, and more likely to please. This immediate, positive, feedback reinforces the long-term negative behavior until you are so far down the path that there is no turning back, and failure is all but inevitable.

Most Christians spend a great deal of their praying words on safety, removing or avoiding difficulties, etc. If Seth is right, maybe we really should be praying for the opposite. Perhaps this helps explain where the writer of the book of James, in the Bible, is referring to when he says, “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” – James 1:2-4 (NLT). That is certainly not one of my favorite verses, but it has rung true in my life over the years. I have learned, and grown, much more from failures and trials than I have from successes and things being easy.

I am still not sure I understand what any of that has to do with the concept of feedback in general. Maybe it is about engaging in activities and endeavors that put you in a position to receive feedback that will be strong, deliberate, and clearly for or against what you are doing. Maybe Seth is referring to feedback being results, or lack of results of your efforts. Are you trying to make your little part of the world a better place? If it’s not much better after you engage it, maybe that is the kind of feedback we are talking about.

Maybe Seth is referring to being in the ongoing habit of soliciting and expecting feedback related to the things we are not only saying – but doing. Maybe it’s looking for and internalizing constructive negative feedback rather than settling for the patronizing, brain-dead platitudes that some people lavish on us in an effort to control us, or make themselves look considerate and spiritual. Maybe it’s all of them; could be none of them. The mind of Seth is a deep and oft confusing place to temporarily dwell. This particular letter is leaving some of my questions unanswered – at least for the moment.

E is for Effort – Create Meaningful Connections

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The next letter in Seth Godin’s Grownup ABC book is “E”. “E” is for Effort. “Effort isn’t the point, impact is…If you solve my problem in 3 seconds (I’m good)…If you move 10,000 pounds of granite, but the result doesn’t connect with me, I’m sorry…”

I would like to explore to angles around this dialogue, that appear to be in opposition. The first is something I have shared with my kids and people I have mentored for decades now. That is – hard work always pays off. If you want something bad enough, you need to work hard for it. In light of Seth Godin’s discussion on the topic of effort, it appears that he is saying the opposite. Seth is saying, I don’t care how hard you work to make a meaningful connection with me, so long as you make one. If you work your butt off but don’t connect with me in a meaningful way, I don’t appreciate the effort.

It would be easy for the casual observer to read this, and use it as an excuse for not working hard. “You see Bob, you don’t really have to work hard man, you just need to connect. Take a hit on this joint and pass it back to me when you’re done.” I don’t resonate with the “pass the joint” work ethic at all. Call it old school but when I look at successful people, be it professional athletes, musicians, successful entrepreneurs, mega pastors, etc., I see people who worked pretty hard to get to where they are. Meaningful work is a gift from God and the opportunity to work hard and see the fruit of your labor is a great blessing.

On the flip-side you have what Seth Godin is saying. Just because you are working hard, does not mean you will receive a reward equal to your effort. I can resonate with that too in some ways. I know people who feel that, just because they have worked somewhere for 20 years that they deserve to make a lot of money. Experience is meaningless if that experience can’t be leveraged to produce impact – something valuable. If you are good at shoeing horses, who cares? There is no demand for shoeing horses these days.

I guess where I am landing on all of this is that effort is best when it is expended on something that has worth and value inherent in the outcome. That worth and value needs to be seen from the perspective of the beneficiary of that outcome, not the one investing the effort necessarily. It’s great if you value things that you are putting effort into; but, if no one else values them, they are not worth anything.

During the housing boom many years ago now, me and my brother opened a real estate brokerage so we could flip homes and earn the commissions on any real estate transactions we engaged in. I ended up getting a great deal of real life experience with one of the greatest answers I have ever heard or given. “How much is my house worth?” Answer, “Exactly what someone is willing to pay for it.” It really doesn’t matter how much you like pink, or those little angel statues that pee into a fountain; if no one else likes it, your house is not going to sell for much.

Similarly with effort. We need to expend effort into activities that generate value and meaning for others. Perhaps this is the real angle that Seth Godin had in mind when he wrote about effort. In our efforts, we should strive to connect with others and create value and meaning in that connection. That is impact. That is one of the best ways to make sure we get a high ROE, or return on effort.

Dance with the Resistance!

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D is for Dance from Seth Godin’s grownup ABC book. “Dance with the resistance!” is one of the key highlights for me. “Dance with the resistance” to me means to be open to ideas that are seemingly conflicting or contrary with your own thoughts and convictions. Many years ago, I primarily saw “issues”, “black & white”, “right way and wrong way”. Lately I have been seeing more of “people”, “situations”, and “feelings.” I also am more aware than ever of my capacity to be wrong, and that challenging my beliefs make the proper convictions stronger, and quickly eliminates the areas where I may have been wrong, or not seen things in the proper perspective.

There are many reasons for my surprising shift in attitude over the years. I have been in management and project management for decades now, primarily in the technical field, but also outside of that sphere. I am continually amazed at how difficult it is to achieve shared understanding between people on the same team; and even more surprising, how difficult it is to realize that you do not have shared understanding when you think you do. A conversation may go like this. “Hey Bill, we had to make the decision to stop doing ‘B’ and go with ‘A’. Please direct your team accordingly. We all need to stop working on ‘B’ and start working on ‘A’ immediately.” Bill would repeat it back, “OK, so, stop working on ‘B’ and start working on ‘A’, immediately.” I would confirm, and even send a follow up email to reiterate the main points. Three days later I would pass Bill in the hall. “Hey Bill, how is ‘A’ coming along” To which, Bill would laugh out loud and reply, “Hey Bob, that’s funny! You mean how is ‘B’ coming along! Remember the conversation we had a few days ago?”

Things would of course escalate from there. I would produce the email I sent and print it out. Bill would argue vehemently that I was mistaken. That my email clearly said to keep doing ‘B’. The rare instances where I would actually have the care and patience required to really dig in and figure out what was going on, it would ALWAYS end up being related to a super huge difference in perspective and experience. While we were saying the same things, each of our brains were interpreting what was said completely differently based on our current attitudes, beliefs, convictions, and context. Before I can have a meaningful dialogue with anyone and hope to come to a point of mutual understanding of a particular issue or topic, I need to walk a mile in their shoes. I have to understand where they are coming from, what their context is, what their perspective is.

I eventually started to apply this in other areas of my life. There were many people in my life whom I really respected and liked, that had some radically opposing views from me on various topics from poverty to gay marriage to abortion to war, capital punishment, you name it. I would think to myself, and sometimes say out loud, how could you possibly believe that, or think that? Don’t you have any common sense? Well, as it turns out, when I started taking the time to try to understand WHY individuals believe what they believe, it would begin to make more sense. When I understood their context, their perspective, their history, their passions, their hurts, their dreams, it was much easier to understand their positions on various issues.

Understanding someone’s perspective doesn’t always mean I completely change my opinions on a particular issue, but it does mean that I can respect, and understand why someone may think the opposite. I can believe that they are still a good person, and, may very well be a better person than me, even though they hold different beliefs. My new perspective has had the unintended consequence of making me a much better person. I am more clearly able to articulate the things I do stand for. I am able to be heard and understood more thoroughly by people I may disagree with. I now, at a minimum, know that I SHOULD be trying to get to the person, the experience before I get into the issue. I am not always able to execute on that, but at least I am now willing to admit that I was wrong, ask for grace, and strive for understanding on a peer to peer, respect basis.

You cannot achieve mutual understanding with someone through a passing conversation. You have to experience a much deeper connection over a longer period of time. You have to “dance” with them as it were. Look into their eyes, understand how they feel, where they are coming from. Not in a romantic, creepy sense but in an abstract sense. The feminine side of me that has been developing over the last 20+ years of marriage and raising several daughters can really appreciate the dancing metaphor when it comes to mutual understanding. The male side, not so much…

“C” is for Commitment

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“C” – Commitment. From the Seth Godin ABC book for grownups.” “Commitment is the only thing that gets you through the chasm….Commitment is risky because if you fail, it’s on you.” Those are two very important characteristics of commitment. Commitment is necessary to accomplish anything worthwhile in life. We all know this, but there are still so many instances when we refuse to make commitments. Some are more commitment-phobic than others. I don’t necessarily mean guys afraid to commit to a girl in marriage, I mean more from a getting things done perspective. Moving from here to there. Becoming a better person. Making a better world.

Jim Collins, is an internationally recognized and respected business guru. In one of his many books, “Good to Great”, he researched what characteristics were present in companies that were able to make the transition from good to great. His detailed research led him to identify two characteristics, that are always present in what he calls “Level 5 Leaders” – those who are capability of leading an organization from good to great.

The two characteristics are: deep, person humility and intense, professional will. Intense professional will is all about commitments. The cause, the vision, is so compelling, that one must commit to it. The level of commitment demanded is intense, all-out, nothing left on the field. I believe that one of the biggest factors preventing most people from making those fierce commitments on a regular basis is this – if you fail, it’s on you.

I have met many people, professionally and socially, who are more concerned with “not failing” then they are with taking a risk on something great. Why is the desire to not fail, so much greater than the desire to success in these cases? Well, some people say it’s fear. That might be a small part of it, but I believe there is much more to it than that.

I believe the largest contributing factor to lack of commitment in anything is that the passion for self – self-interest and self-preservation, is greater than the passion for the cause / vision to be committed to. I believe here are two main reasons for this –  Either the person is too self-focused, or, does not have a compelling enough cause / vision to risk failure for.

When we find ourselves falling into the first category, we need to get over ourselves. We should never be too important to be wrong or too important to fail. We should never allow our desire to save-face rob us of opportunities to change our world. When we find ourselves without a compelling enough cause, there are two possibilities.

One, we have failed to catch the vision for the cause. It’s really there, we just haven’t dug deep enough, or allowed ourselves to relate to the outcome, or lack of outcome at a personal enough level. Two, we just need a better cause, and more motivating vision. Exciting visions are always about benefiting others rather than ourselves. We need to surround ourselves with “others-focused” peers, mentors and leaders. We need to join forces with those making a difference in the world, take up their cause, and extend it, grow it.

If you find yourself not making commitments, check yourself, check your vision, and find hangout who are fiercely committed to compelling causes!